Nightmare Before Madness A tale nobody should read
by Kage Tamashii
Summary: Warning Warning! This story is badly writtne and stupid. Those with weak minds should not read this because it will cause you to become more stupider. You have been warned! HISS
1. The Party of Whozits!

Hello! Welcome to my totally not good Nightmare Before Christmas Fic Thingy. 

Don't expect the following:

-a good fanfic

-a understandable story

-sense

-goodness within content

-sane people

-good clean living people

-stuff I can't remember right now

-proper grammar or spelling

  


Ok! Here we go. I own NOTHING that is owned by Tim Burton (hail Burton man). I only own the people I imagined in the random space between my ears. ..... They told me to!!! Well, here goes nothing. 

  


Takes a deep breath, holds nose, and takes a dive. SPLASH! WHOOSH! PINK BELLY! OUCH!

  


Once upon a thing and a um uh long whats it ago, two brave intelligent heroes were doing something or other and well, ....... um ...... He he. I'm not going to lie to you. They hired me as a narrator on the spot and I have no clue what's going on. He he he he. Anyway, I'm just totally wasted, man. I have no idea what this story's about. Oh look! A bunny on a tricycle with little doggies attached to the wheels.

  


THE REAL AUTHOR: Ok that's enough! You! Get your wasted ass out of here.

  


Fake Person: Fine dude. I'm gonna go follow that pig with the sideburns. You know, the one over there who's dancing to the tune of Aqua's Barbie Girl.

  


REAL AUTHOR: Fine you do that. Sigh. I guess I'll just have to do this myself. Stupid wasted monkey. I curse thee. Curse thee to the depths of places with fire and crap like that!

  


Fake Person: Whatever! Here piggy piggy piggy! Oink! Oink! Oink! I'm a Barbie Girl in my Barbie World! Woohoo!

  


AUTHOR/ NARRATOR: Her we go again. There will hopefully be no more interruptions.

  


Scene: The two heroines of our story are arriving at the front porch of a house with loud music and lights flashing everywhere and weird looking slime coming out of the windows.

  


Jo^2 (Pronounced Jo squared) - Here we are at Kelly Peeper's party. She has the best parties in the like whatever world.

  


Sara - Jo^2, I know. I know that already. I know that now. I knew that when you told me in school, on the bus, and five minutes ago. Ok. I KNOW!!! Sheesh.

  


Jo^2 - (knocks on door) Hellos! Peoples needs to open the door. SO, we can come in and join the greatest party in like whatever world. C'mon. Let us in. Please.

  


Door opens and Kelly Peeper is in the doorway and welcomes our heroines.

  


Kelly - (In a snobby type voice) Welcome. Welcome, Darling! To the best party evah!

  


Sara- Don't you mean "ever"?

Kelly - No, Darling. Evah. (Waves hand in a magician sort of way) Come in. Come in.

  


Sara and Jo^2 enter.

  


Jo^2 - Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! What the Hell is going on here? 

  


Sara - I don't know! It seems that ..... things are ..... duller than dirt.

  


Tis true. Our heroines stumble into a room with snobbish people sitting on couches and regular people listening to their evil demented tales of their trips to Mount whatever or to the great ding dong sea. 

  


Jo^2 - But wha about the lights, the music, the cool lookin slime?

  


Kelly - Sorry, Darling, that's coming from next door. Those rapscallions have strobe lights and a stereo with huge loud speakers. My gosh, they know how to ruin everything.

  


Sara - And the slime?

  


Kelly - Oh. That's us, Darling. It seems that my little dog, Puffie, is a little sick.

  


Sara and everyone else in the room - Eeeeeeeeew!!! Gross out!!

  


Kelly - Anyway, I'm so glad you could make it, Darling. Let me tell you about my trip to Mount Whatever, Darling. Greatest and most expensive place to visit, Darling. Oh and The Beautiful Great Ding Dong Sea, Darling. Second most expensive place. Come. Come. Listen to me, DARLING.

  


Suddenly, Jo^2 comes out of nowhere and tackles Kelly Peeper to the ground and begins to hit her with a big fat floppy fish.

  


Jo^2 - Don't (Slap) ever (Slap) say (Slap) Darling ( Slap) Again (Slap)! I (Slap) hate (Slap) you (Slap) so (Slap) much (Slap)! This (Slap) is (Slap) Fun! (Slap) (Slappity Slap Slap Slap)

  


Jo^2 finally slaps Kelly unconscious and the party is left unattended.

  


Sara and the party guest all staring at Jo^2 - SILENCE .......

  


Jo^2 stuffs the fish into Kelly's mouth, stands up, and looks at everyone.

  


Jo^2 - (In a calm voice) As the knocker outer person of Kelly Peeper, I propose this .......

  


Everyone - SILENCE

  


Jo^2 - NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS PARTY! Bang bang!!!

  


Everyone - Woo hoo

  


And the party of Nightmare Before Christmas was to come. Kelly and her snobby friends were locked in the closet with Kelly's puking dog and fish in their mouths. Jo^2 and Sara made a quick trip to the store and bought every copy of Nightmare Before Christmas including the Spanish and French Version. They also brought sacks of goodies such as candy, marshmallows, and other junky foods that would melt the delicate brains of the teenagers into mush. And so they lived happily ever after.....

  


Sara - Hey wait a minute!!!!!

  


Author/Narrator - Huh? What in the what, now?

  


Jo^2 - It's not over yet!! What about the stuff that happens?

  


Author/ Narrator - Stuff?

  


Sara - Yes, you know. The "STUFF"! (wink)

  


Author/Narrator - Oh right! The ... "stuff" Sorry people! The thing isn't over yet.

  


People in the theater moan and groan and sit back down in their seats.

  


Sara - Hey shutup! You people of disgusting nature!! Curse thee. CURSE THEE!!! Please continue, Author slash Narrator

  


Author/Narrator - Thank you. So, anyway, the party began and went off with or without a hitch.

  


Jo^2 - (singing to herself) Dia de Los Muertos! Dia de los Muertos! La la la la la la la! (Imitating Jack) Es correcto! Yo soy el rey de calabaza! Mwa ha ha ha ha! (Literal Translation - Day of the Dead! Day of the Dead! La la la la la la la! Is correct! I am the king of pumpkin! Mwa ha ha ha ha)

  


Sara - Jo^2, can you please stop singing in Spanish? It's really annoying!

  


Jo^2 - I'm sorry, Sarabella! But you can not silence el Josefina de dos!!!

  


Suddenly, Frida (a normal girl who came to the party and knows Jo^2 and Sara fairly well) appears out of nowhere.

  


Frida - I have a suggestion.

  


Jo^2 - Bwah! Dude, you just like came out of nowhere, man. You scared me. 

  


Sara - What do you suggest?

  


Frida - I want to watch the English version. Please.

  


Sara - She's right, Jo^2. Seeing the English version wouldn't be such a bad idea.

  


Jo^2 - But ... but ... La Calabaza! La Calabaza!!! (But ... but ... The Pumpkin! The Pumkin!)

  


Sara - Tough noogies, Jo^2! We're watching the English version! (Pops tape into VCR)

  


Jo^2 - (Runs up and plops right in front of the screen) Yay Goodies!!! (Yay Goo ....) THEY KNOW WHAT "YAY GOODIES!" MEANS, STUPID!!

  


The video starts up and the party guest moan as yet another version of "This Is Halloween" blasts from the tv speakers.

  


Approximately 76 Minutes and three bowls of cheese doodles ..... mmmmmmmmmm.....cheese doodles ....... LATER

  


Everyone except Jo^2, Sara, and Frida - Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz (sleepy sleepy sleep)

  


Jo^2 - This is Halloween! This is Halloween! La la la la la la That's right!!! I am the Pumpkin King. Mwa ha ha ha ha ha!!

  


Sara - I'm going to marry Jack! I'm going to marry Jack! I'm going to marry Jack!!

  


Jo^2 - You do that!

  


Sara - Wasn't it cool when Jack kicked Oogie's bug filled ass? Woo hoo!!

  


Jo^2 - It was kick ass awesome!!!

  


Frida stands up and points to them both.

  


Frida - How dare you side with the tall and boney one!! Oogie Boogie will rise again!! I promise you!! Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!

Frida sprints out the door and into the night.

  


Sara - Ok! That's odd. I know who's graduating next year!

  


Jo^2 - Yeah. YAWN Yeah.

  


Frida sticks her head in the doorway.

  


Frida - ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ...

  


Jo^2 and Sara in unison - Oogies' comin back. We know. We know.

  


Frida finally leaves, again and our heroines are left alone in a room full of sleeping dead beets.

  


Sara - Jo^2, my mentally challenged friend, I propose we go home and fall into a deep and peaceful slumber.

  


Jo^2 - Sleep YAWN good!

  


Tired and heads filled with Halloween fantasies, our heroines make their way out the door and along the roads to get home.

  


Jo^2 - (singing Sally's hit song) What will become of my dear friend? Where will his actions lead us, then?

  


Sara - Jo^2, it's bad enough you're singing and giving me a total head ache, but you have the nerve to sing the song of my arch nemesis. Sally. The evil stealer of Jack.

  


Jo^2 - Oh Sara! Why can't you just get over it? Jack and Sally are in love.

  


Sara - I still think Sally brainwashed him!!!

  


Jo^2 - Build yourself a bridge and get over it!!

  


Sara - Harumph!!

  


As our heroines argue, they fail to notice the truck speeding towards them with a blaring horn and the maniac Frida in the driver seat.

  


Frida - I'll show you who's ass is gonna get kicked!!

  


Sara and Jo^2 - (finally notice truck) Oh shit!

  


The truck collides with our heroes and spreads their internal organs all over the road with blood and flesh and gore and ...

Jo^2 and Sara - (Lifts head up) They get the picture!! (Lay back down) 

  


Fine!! Anyway, Frida was also knocked out. Where will this lead our heroines? Are they really ... GULP ... gone? .................... Oh wait they're right over there.

  
  
  


Well, kiddies, until next week. This has been a Person Person Personia Production with People. If you would like to contact me and ask questions or give comments, please leave a review. It is greatly appreciated. Well, I must be going now. I've gotta scrape dead Jo^2 and Sara parts off of the road. Eeeeeeew. Stupid pick up your own story trash law. Curse them! CURSE THEM!!!!

Bye bye!!

  
  
  



	2. Part 2 TURN BACK NOW!

Ok! Hello! Welcome to chapter 2 of Nightmare Before Madness. Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha!! Anyway, if you haven't lost all of your brain power from the last stupid chapter, please try to remember what I told you last time.

  


REWIND

  


PLAY

  


Hello! Welcome to my totally not good Nightmare Before Christmas Fic Thingy.

  


Don't expect the following:

  


-a good fanfic

  


-a understandable story

  


-sense

  


-goodness within content

  


-sane people

  


-good clean living people

  


-stuff I can't remember right now

  


-proper grammer or spelling

  


FAST FORWARD

  


Ok! This part is boring. I don't care if you remember it or not. If you forget, then go backwards and check it out. Now, on with the show. Bum ba ba bum bum buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuum!

  


We last left our heroes in the middle of the road.

  


Sara -(Laying face down in the middle of the road) Jo^2, are you ok? 

  


Jo^2 - (Hanging over branch in a tree) This is Halloween. This is Halloween. Halloween! Halloween! Halloween! Halloween!

  


Sara - Yeah, you're ok.

  


Jo^2 - Hell yes, I'm the frickin pumpkin king, but pumpkins don't grow on trees. Now, GET ME DOWN FROM HERE!!!!!

  


Sara stands up and begins to tug on Jo^2's arm.

  


Sara - Why don't you just jump down? 

  


Jo^2 - To high up.

  


Sara - How did you get up there in the first place?

  


Jo^2 - Climbed.

  


Sara lets go of Jo^2's arms.

  


Sara - You idiot. If you don't get down here right now, I'm going to assassinate that one guy you like.

  


Jo^2 jumps into the air like an acrobat and knocks Sara to the ground and sits on her stomach with her hands around Sara's throat.

  


Jo^2 - You do and you die. 

  


Sara - Get off me, you psycho bitch crazy person! I don't even know who he is!

  


Jo^2 releases Sara.

  


Jo^2 - Nobody lays a hand on Akumu13!

  


Sara - He's just some guy you met over the internet.

  


Jo^2 - C'mon Sara, he's my bestest bud! He even invited me over for tea and crumpets.

  


Sara - No normal teenager serves tea and crumpets. That just screams wrong.

  


Jo^2 - Where's Frida?

  


Sara - Frida?

  


Jo^2 - Yeah! She ran us over. Remember?

  


Sara - Oh yeah! She's runner up for the title of Psycho Bitch, The Professional!

  


Jo^2 - Who's in first place? 

  


Sara - You! No duh!

  


Jo^2 - Well, runner up or not, I'm gonna make her pay. Sara, hand me a fish!

Sara pulls out a big bag like a golf caddy except the bag is full of fish.

  


Sara - May I suggest the Sea Bass?

  


Jo^2 - No. Hand me ..... Old Beanie! (Gasp)

  


Sara - Old Beanie? Are you sure?

  


Jo^2 - Yes. I'm sure.

  


Note - Old Beanie is a five foot catfish that Jo^2 caught when she was only ten.

Double Note - Sara and Jo^2 are 14 years old.

Triple Note - So is Frida.

Back to the first note - It took her five years to catch that fish and only uses it when she's really pissed off.

  


Sara - Man, you must be really pissed off.

  


Jo^2 - Anyone who tries to kill me in an automobile deserves to die!

  


Sara - Die?

  


Jo^2 - I mean ... uh ... deserves to be hit stupid. That's right ... hit stupid.

  


Jo^2 grabs Old Beanie and heads toward the truck that crashed into a tree. Jo^2 prepares her fish, but finds no one in the driver's seat. Frida is gone.

  


Jo^2 - Frida's gone!

  


Sara - What?

  


Jo^2 - I SAID "FRIDA IS GONE"!!!

  


Sara - (covering her ears) I heard what you said. I said "what" to emphasize my surprise. Where do you think she went?

  


Jo^2 - I think she ran into those mysterious woods that suddenly appeared out of nowhere. Let's go get her! I'm ready to hit her in the ... uh ... heady. He he.

  


Before Sara can object, Jo^2 runs off into the woods with Old Beanie by her side. Sara can only run after her. Before long, Jo^2 and Sara are dead lost.

  


Sara - Jo^2, we're dead lost.

  


Jo^2 - No we are not. We just don't know where we're going or which way back to the road.

  


Sara - Oh no. We couldn't possibly be lost. Oh! How could I ever have doubted you?

  


Jo^2 - You know, if I weren't crazy, I'd think you were being sarcastic.

  


Sara - 1.) You are crazy, insane, and you're head is filled with whipped cream.

  


Jo^2 - Mmmmmmmmmmm ..... whipped cream.

  


Sara - 2.) I was being sarcastic!

  


Jo^2 - Gasp

  


Sara - 3.) You don't deserve the title of Psycho Bitch, The Professional!

  


Jo^2 - Ok! That's it! 

  


Jo^2 lunges at Sara with Old Beanie and attempts to whack her stupid. They tumble all over the place until they accidentally go over a hole and Jo^2 is hanging over the edge.

  


Jo^2 - Aaaaaaaaaah! Sara, help me! This hole looks deep! I can't see Old Beanie .... which I dropped.

  


Sara - Take my hand.

  


Sara leans down to reach Jo^2, but just as she's in reaching distance, the ground beneath her collapses into the hole and our heroines plummet down into the darkness. Are our heroines doomed? Will they be killed on impact? Will their families be able to afford funeral charges? Find out ..................... right now.

  


Sara and Jo^2 crash into hard dirt. Not the soft kind! The hard kind.

  


Sara - Ouch. I can't feel my head. Jo^2!

  


Jo^2 - Halloween is this! Halloween is this! Halloween! Halloween! Hallowheeeeeeeeeee!

  


Sara - Oh my.

  


Jo^2 is bent over backwards on a grave stone.

  


Jo^2 - Funny, I feel.

  


Sara - Oh crap! She has Yoda syndrome!

  


Jo^2 - Cracked, my spine is.

  


Sara - Jo^2, snap out of it!

  


Jo^2 - Mention snap, you must not.

  


Sara gets to her feet and pulls Jo^2 off the grave stone. They ARE in a grave yard. Jo^2 is still bent over.

  


Jo^2 - Re-align my spine, you must.

  


Sara unbends Jo^2 with a sickening crack. Cool!

  


Sara - How's that?

  


Jo^2 - (In and English accent) Why Sara, that feels oh so much better. I propose we motion away from this spot so we may figure out our location. Shall we? 

  


Sara slaps Jo^2 hard across the face.

  


Jo^2 - Thank you! That proper crap was driving me nuts.

  


Sara - You and me both.

  


Jo^2 - What is our location, Captain?

  


Sara - No idea, Mr. Spock.

  


Sara and Jo^2 find themselves in a huge grave yard. (Duh!) Everything is dark and creepy and there appears to be a curly hill not to far from them. Our heroines' clothing appears to have changed. Some how.

  


Sara - We're dressed, like, differently.

  


Jo^2 - Dude, we're like cool lookin and junk.

  


Ok! I don't feel like describing the costumes. So, could you guys do it?

  


Sara - Sure.

  


Jo^2 - No problem.

  


Sara - I'm wearing a black tank top that shows a skeleton head with black capris. Around my waist is a stylish pink belt with several chains on it. I wear a top hat. Go figure. And I'm wearing black high heeled boots that has pink tape wrapped around it.

  


Jo^2 - I'm wearing a black vest with pink arm bands. I wear black shorts. I have green and red arm warmers and I have black army boots. My vest extends in the back like a gentlemen's fancy formal coat and I'm wearing a black fedora. Pishaw!

  


Sara - Well, that was boring. Let's go find out where we are.

  


Jo^2 - Ok. Oh! I almost forgot! I have red and green knee socks.

  


Sara - Shut up and listen.

  


Sure enough, a sweet singing voice sounds over by the curly hill thingy.

  


Jo^2 - I know that hill! We're in Halloween Town and if I'm not mistaken, that voice is Jack!

  


Sara - Sparrow?

  


Jo^2 - No.

  


Sara - Dawson (from Titanic.)?

  


Jo^2 - No!

  


Sara - Frost?

  


Jo^2 - No! Skellington, you simpleton!

  


Sara - Dude, my one true love! I'm coming, Jack!!

  


Jo^2 - Oh God!

  


God - Yes, what do you want?

  


Jo^2 - Oh sorry! Just an expression. I'm really sorry!

  


God - No problem. Bye!

  


Jo^2 - Sara, come back here.

  


Jo^2 chases Sara up the hill as Sara begins to sneak up on Jack.

  


Jack (unaware of the two maniacs behind him) - Oh Zero, What are we going to do? Halloween Town is doomed.

  


Jo^2 (her turn to be stupid, not that she hasn't been) - Nooooooooooooooooooooo!

  


Jack turns around to see our two heroines. Sara simply stares at him in awe while Jo^2 stares at him in fear.

  


Jack - Who are you people?

  


Sara - Well, we're people like you just said.

  


Jo^2 - What do you mean Halloween Town is doomed?!

  


YAWN. Well kiddies, this is where chapter 2 ends. For real this time. Tune in next time for whatever reason. Please, leave a review. It helps so many of us. For every review you send, we receive $1 towards the cure for Jo^2's sickness.

  


Sara - What's wrong with her?

  


She has (sniff) Yoda Syndrome!

  


Jo^2 - Review, you must leave. Or else ....

  


Sara - Or else what? You can't threaten the audience!

  


Jo^2 - Or else Sara's ass I shall kick

  


Sara - He He Send in those reviews, folks. Heh heh heh ... PLEASE!

  


Well, we had some great fun ..... sigh ..... Now get out of here before I change my mind! He he. Goodbye, Piggies ... whoops.... I mean Kiddies. He he.

  


Jo^2 and Sara stare in question.

  


Bye bye!


	3. Halloween Town, The most Halloweeny Plac...

Hello, yet again. Jumping Jahosaphat Yee Ha! I made 4 freakin dollars off of the Yoda Syndrome support thingy. Thanks a lot. Now, I can go buy some gum! Woohoo.

  


Sara - Hey! What about Jo^2?

  


Jo^2 - Yoda Syndrome, I still have.

  


Sara, just whack her a few times. She'll come out of it. Gum! Gum! Gonna get me some gum!

  


Sara - You heard the author.

  


Jo^2 - Hit me, you must not.

  


Sara - Oh yeah? How are you gonna stop me?

  


Jo^2 - Use the force I will.

  


Jo^2 puts out her hand and Sara lifts into the air and starts to spin really really really fast.

  


Sara - Whoa! Stop it. I'm getting dizzy!

  


Jo^2 - Teach you, this will.

  


Sara - I'm gonna puke!

  


Ok! Before things get nasty, let's return to our story. I'm not explaining anything. You're somewhat smart people. You figure it out!!

  


Jo^2 - What do you mean Halloween Town is doomed?!

  


Jack - I heard you the first time.

  


Jo^2 - Oh! Well,....

  


Jack - I'm not telling you anything until you tell me who you are!

  


Sara - (stares dreamily into Jack's eye sockets) Well Jack, my name is Sara, but you can call me anytime.

  


Jo^2 - Anytime, quit buggin Jack. My name's Jo^2.

  


Jack - Interesting nickname. What's your real name?

  


Jo^2 - Uh .... Jo^2

  


Jack - Wha??

  


Sara - (whispers to Jack) Her mother is obsessed with mathematics.

  


Jack - Oh.

  


Jo^2 - Now, what the Hell is wrong with Halloween Town?

  


Jack - Wait a minute! How did you two wackos know my name in the first place?

  


Sara - We've watched Nightmare Before Christmas precisely 1,263 times.

  


Jo^2 - 1,264.

  


Jack - Oh! Our documentary.

  


Sara and Jo^2 - Guh?

  


Jack - Yes, I remember. Several years ago, some guy name Tim Burton came to Halloween Town and asked us if he could do a historical documentary of the Oogie Boogy/ Christmas Take Over in 1983. It took years to film, but it ended well and got history down exactly. What do you think of it?

  


Sara and Jo^2 - .... Uh.

  


Jack - But that's not important right now. Halloween Town is in terrible danger. Someone is stealing dead bodies from our grave yards.

  


Sara - So?

  


Jo^2 - Sara, Halloween Town gets its almighty Halloweeny power from its corpses. Without them, Halloween Town can't cross over to our world to scare the crap out of people.

  


Sara - How do you know so damn much about Halloween Town?

  


Jo^2 - I don't know.

  


Jack - How did you guys get here, anyway?

  


Jo^2 and Sara - Fell down a hole.

  


Jack - Maybe I should take you to Professor Finkelstein. He might be able to help, somehow. 

  


Jo^2 - So, he'll be able to save Halloween Town?

  


Jack - I meant with your mental illness, but we could ask if he could help out the town.

  


Jack makes his way down the hill and our heroines follow.

  


Jo^2 - Dude, this is so cool. We get to go to Halloween Town. The most Halloweeny place on Earth.

  


Sara - Sure.

  


Jack and the two maniacs enter through the town gates to find ghouls and ghost and goblins rushing about with their daily businesses. Someone finally notices the two living people.

  


Mummy Kid - Like Dude, it's a couple of fleshies. Alright!

  


Sara - Who you callin flashies, Bandage Boy?!

  


Wolfman - Jack, I'll pay ya five bucks for the one with the attitude.

  


Sara - Hey wait a minute! .... I may not be the greatest sales person in the world, but I am sure as Hell that I'm worth more than five fricken dollars.

  


Dead Lady - Hey, watch your language!

  


Sara - You watch it!

  


Mummy Kid - Do you want a piece of me?!

  


Sara - Hell no! Who would want a piece of corpse trash?!

  


Jo^2 - (whispers to Jack) Are you gonna stop this anytime soon?

  


Jack - But it's getting good.

  


Jo^2 - Sara, c'mon!

  


Sara - Oh! But I wanna maul!

  


Jo^2 - You can maul dead guys later. We have to go see Finkelstein!

  


Sara - Fine

  


Jack, Jo^2, and Sara finally make there way to Finkelstein's laboratory.

  


Ok! From now on, Dr. Finkelstein's name shall be Fink. So there!

  


Jack - (knocks on door really really hard) Hello! Is anyone home?!

  


Voice from inside - No! 

  


Jo^2 - Now, what do we do?

  


Sara - Jo^2, you idiot! Step aside, Jack!

  


Jack steps aside and Sara approaches the door. Dude, I just used a really cool long word. APPROACHED!! Tra la la!

  


Sara - Fink, we know you're in there! Let us in!

  


Fink - Not my the hair on my chinny chin chin!

  


Jo^2 - Dude, Fink grew a beard!

  


Sara - C'mon! Please! We may be able to help you with the corpse crisis!

  


Jo^2 - (whispers to Sara) I don't think you wanted to say it like that.

  


Sara - I mean return them! Return them!!

  


Jo^2 - We'll give you some gum!

  


Hey! It's my gum!

  


Jo^2 - Sorry, narrator person, but it's you or Halloween Town!

  


The door to Fink's laboratory opens and a weird lookin guy in a wheel chair comes out. You know who I mean.

  


Dr. Fink - Juicy Fruit?

  


Jo^2 - Yep.

  


Sob.

  


Dr. Fink - Alright then. Follow me.

  


Jo^2 gives Fink MY gum and our heroines and Jack follow him deep into the ....uh..... whatever... of his lab. 

  


Jo^2 - Where's Sally?

  


Sara - GLARE!!!

  


Fink - She's in her room. I'll call her down.

  


Jack leaps for joy!

  


Fink - SALLY!!! GET DOWN HERE! YOU"VE GOT VISITORS! SALLY! GET YOUR SYNTHETIC ASS DOWN HERE!!!

  


Sally finally enters the lab.

  


Sally - Oh Jack! ~huff~ I was ~huff~ just ~huff~ thinking about~huff~ you.

  


Sally finally regains her breath.

  


Sally - Who are your friends?

  


Jo^2 - I hate these stupid introductions! Can't you just read the script where it says who is speaking.

  


Sally - Nope.

  


Jo^2 - Oh fine! I'm Jo^2!

  


Sara - (glares at Sally) I'm Sara.

  


Fink - Jo^2? Sara?

  


Sara - Do we know you besides from our 1, 263 times of watching you on the tv?

  


Jo^2 - 1, 264.

  


Fink - Well, yes. I guess I ....

  


Sally - Go on.

  


Fink - It was some sort of experiment, but that's not important.

  


Sara - Oh yes it is!

  


Jo^2 - Finkie, you've got some explaining to do!

  


Fink - Waaaaaaaaaaaah!

  


Jack - Spill it!

  


Fink - Oh alright! Several decades ago, I decided to do an experiment with the human world. I would wait until someone died and then try to bring them back to life. Well, it turns out that these two girls died in a whipped cream and pineapple accident. So, I used them. It was success at first sight. I brought them back to life and sent them to the human world. I knew I could call them if I ever needed them. But I called Jo^2 a few months ago. Why didn't you come to me then?

  


Jo^2 - "The Simpsons" was on!

  


Sara - You mean to tell me that you KNEW about this!

  


Jo^2 - I had an inkling.

  


Sara - Great! We're zombies!

  


Fink - No ... Well. .. Yeah, basically you are.

  


Sara - Ah crud!

  


Jo^2 - It's not that bad! Build a bridge and get over it.

  


Sara - Only if Jack marries me! (Holds onto to one of Jack's arms.)

  


Sally - He's already engaged to me! (Grabs onto his other arm.)

  


Sally and Sara start playing tug a war with Jack.

  


Jo^2 - May I?

  


Fink - Of course.

  


Jo^2 grabs a tranquilizer gun and shoots Sally and Sara in the neck. Sally and Sara fall to the ground dead .... I mean asleep!

  


Jo^2 - How long will it be before they wake up?

  


Fink - A few hours.

  


Jo^2 - Oh .....

  


Fink - sigh

  


Jo^2 - wanna play Go Fish?

  


Fink - Alright.

  


Fink deals out the cards.

  


Fink - Got any sevens?

  


Jo^2 - Go FREAKIN fish!

  


Fink - Crap!

  


Jo^2 - Got any Queens?

  


Fink - Here!

  


Jo^2 - Boo yah!!

  


Will Sara and Sally wake up in time to save the corpses? Is Halloween Town doomed forever? Will Jo^2 win her game of Go Fish against Fink? Tune in next week for another episode of ...

  


Jo^2 - Shhhhhhhhhh! I'm trying to concentrate! Got any kings?

  


Fink - Go fish.

  


Sorry. (Whispers) See ya later kiddies. Don't forget to leave a review on your way out. Remember, every review you send in gets us $1 closer to Jo^2's cure.

  


Jo^2 - But I don't have Yoda Syndrome anymore.

  


Author bashes Jo^2 in the back of the head.

  


Jo^2 - Yoda Syndrome, I have now.

  


Fink - Got any twos?

  


Jo^2 - Freakin fish, you must go now. Any Jacks, have you?

  


Fink - Here! Harumph.

  


Jo^2 - Happy, I am! Boo yah!

  


Um .... ok .... See you all later. Have a nice trip. Hasta whatever! See you some other time. Bye bye! See ya! Bye! ............................................................. Are you still here?! I told you to scram!

  


Anonymous Fan - (Whispers into Author's ear)

  


No! We are not serving free booze!

  


Anonymous Fan - Oh crud.

  


A big group of people leave.

  


See you later. Bye bye!!


	4. The Hill! Oh God, The Hill!

You like me! You really like me! ...... Wait a minute! No, you don't! Those aren't roses! They're .......... tomatoes. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Anyway, I hate tomatoes! So instead of throwing them at me, eat them. Enjoy their squishy tomatoey goodness. .........................

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend any tomato lovers out there. Tomatoes ..... good. The soup is good! WHOOSH!!

  


Anyway, thank you for all the lovely reviews! Cool!! I used a new word! LOVELY. He he. Keep sending them in. I love hearing from people. Where were you guys when I was in the school play? I think I was the best damn tree there ever was! But no I was distracting the main characters. I was making a scene. I set the bloody school on fire. I told them that I ACCIDENTLY dropped that match. How was I supposed to know that we weren't using REAL fire in the play?

  


Well enough about me. I got SEVEN dollars now! Woo hoo!! SEVEN whole buckaroonies. I'm gonna buy some ice cream. Mmmmmmmmm ........... ice cream!

  


Sara - Hey! 

  


Didn't we go over this, Sara?

  


Sara - Oh yeah!

  


Jo^2 - Whack me, you must not!

  


Sara - I'm not going to whack you! 

  


Jo^2 - Trust you, I do not. Step back, you must.

  


Sara - Fine fine! I'll take a few steps back.

  


Sara steps back seven steps.

  


Sara - Author.

  


Ok.

  


WHACK! I hit Jo^2.

  


Jo^2 - Ouch Kabbibles!

  


He he! Well, on with the show!!! Whoosh!

  


We last left our people in Finkie's lab.

  


Sara - (moan) What happened?

  


Jo^2 - All right! Your turn, Finkie!

  


Sally - What's going on?

  


Sally and Sara have just woken up from the tranquilizer dart stuff.

  


Jack - They've been playing for hours! Make it stop! Make it stop!

  


Sara - Jo^2?

  


Jo^2 - First, Finkie and I played Go Fish and I won, but then he challenged me over and over. He's so competitive! We're playing kareoke, now!

  


Fink - (singing) My milk shake brings all the boys to the yard and their life is better than yours! Damn right, it's better than yours! I could teach you, but I have to charge.

  


Jack - MAKE IT STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  


Sara - We don't have time for this! 

  


Jo^2 - Sara's right, Finkie.

  


Fink - Are you quitting? Cause that means I win.

  


Jo^2 - Hell no.

  


Sara - Jo^2!

  


Jo^2 - C'mon Sara! One song. PLEASE!!!!!

  


Sara - Oh fine!

  


Jo^2 - Ok! My turn.

  


Fink - Pick your song!

  


Jo^2 - Ok. Let's see. ........ Hmmmm ........

  


Fink - Hurry up!

  


Jo^2 - Ok! Here we go.

  


Jo^2 pushes the button for the song to play.

  


Jo^2 - (singing ..... uh) They're coming to take me away! Ha ha. They're coming to take me away. Ho ho he he ha ha. To the funny farm where life is beautiful all the time and I'll be happy to see those nice young men in their clean white coats and they're coming to take me away! Ha ha! (If you don't know this song, find it and enjoy it's oddness. Mmmmmmm ...... oddness)

  


Sara - Ok. That's it! Jo^2 wins.

  


Fink - C'mon. 6 out of 11!

  


Everyone else - No!

  


Sara - So, how do we get back the corpses?

  


Jo^2 - We find out who stole them.

  


Jack - Well duh. But we don't know who that is.

  


Jo^2 - Yes huh!

  


Sally - You know who stole them? 

  


Jo^2 - Yep.

  


Sara - Why didn't you say so before?

  


Jo^2 - You never asked.

  


Sara - I hate you.

  


Jo^2 - You're my best friend too.

  


Fink - So, who took them?

  


Jo^2 - Oogie Boogie.

  


Everyone - GASP!

  


Jack - But he's dead. I should know. I killed him.

  


Jo^2 - Well, I saw him!

  


Fink - Maybe you should go over to Oogie's place and investigate.

  


Jack - Nah! You think?

  


Fink - Don't act smart with me! You stupid bone head!

Jack - Who you callin bone bag, Duck man?!

  


Sara - Duck man?

  


Jack - Don't tell me he doesn't look like a duck!

  


Sara - Oh yeah! Now, I see it.

  


Sally - How do you mean?

  


Sara - Turn your head slightly and imagine him yellow and his lips orange.

  


Sally - Whoa! You're right.

  


Jo^2 - That's what I've been trying to tell you!

  


Sara - No, you haven't!

  


Jo^2 - Yeah, but it was funny, though.

  


Fink - Enough!! We're wasting time!

  


Jo^2 - Duck man's right. Time to pay Oogie a visit.

  


Fink - I'm not Duck man! And let me call Ax, first.

  


Everyone - Ax?

  


Fink - Oh! She's the third experiment.

  


Sara - So, she's like Jo^2 and me?

  


Fink - Yep.

  


Jo^2 - Tell her to meet us there! We're leaving.

  


Fink - Fine. Stupid unappreciative brat.

  


Jo^2 - What was that, Finkie?

  


Fink - Nothing.

  


Jo^2 - Lead the way, Jack!

  


Jack - Ok.

Our heroines, Jack, and Sally make their way to Oogies house, but have to make a pit stop at the curly hill.

  


Jo^2 - You should have gone before we left!

  


Sally - I didn't have to go then! 

  


Jo^2 - I swear! Does anybody else have to go? We're not stopping again!

  


Everybody - NO!

  


Sally - Hey! Where's Sara?

  


Jack - She was trying to pull my arm off a second ago.

  


Jo^2 - Where could she have gone off to?

  


Sara (from a distance) - Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

  


Jo^2 - What the Hell?

  


The group finds Sara walking up and down the hill.

  


Sara - Hill goes up. Hill goes down. Hill goes up. Hill goes down. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

  


Jack -Sara! We don't have time for this. Jo^2 says we have to get moving.

  


Jo^2 - Hey! That looks like fun.

  


Jo^2 joins Sara.

  


Both Jo^2 and Sara - Hill goes up. Hill goes down. Hill goes up. Hill goes down.

  


Sally - SIGH. Stupid idiot people.

  


Sara - Synthetic jack ass lady!

  


Sally - Why you!

  


Jack - Calm down, Sally.

  


Sally - Don't you tell me when to calm down, you cement filled skull!

  


Jack - SIGH We're not even married yet and we're fighting.

  


Sally - Oh, honey! Our first fight.

  


Sally and Jack kiss.

  


Jo^2 - Ok. I'm getting sick. This isn't a love fest people. We're still missing corpses.

  


Suddenly, the hill flings Jo^2 and Sara into the air and they fall to the ground.

  


Sara - Well, that wasn't very nice. Jo^2, are you ok?

  


Jo^2 is bent over backwards over a tombstone like before.

  


Jo^2 - Old, this is getting.

  


Sara - Oh God!

  


GOD - Now what?!

  


Sara - Whoops! Sorry! Really sorry! Just an expression!

  


GOD - Don't ever use that expression again.

  


Sara - I'm so sorry. It will never happen again.

  


GOD - Good.

  


Sara helps Jo^2 get up off of the tombstone.

  


Jack - What's wrong with her?

  


Sara - Yoda syndrome. SIGH Hand me a rock.

  


After a few painful moments, Jo^2 is back to normal!

  


Jo^2 - I can't feel my brain. 

  


Sara - Like you ever could. What was up with the hill?

  


Jo^2 - I don't know.

  


Jo^2 stands on top of the hill again.

  


Jo^2 - Stupid hill! 

  


The hill, yet again, flings Jo^2 into the air.

  


Sara - Not again.

  


But this time Jo^2 lands on the ground and nearly misses a tombstone!

  


Sara - Yay! 

  


Sally - Children, stop messing around with the hill! We've got work to do!

  


Sara - One minute.

  


Sara makes her way to the top of the hill.

  


Sara - (singing to the tune of The Sound of Music) This hill is possessed by demonic forces!

  


Mysterious voice - La la la laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

  


Sara - Oh my Go .......

  


GOD - Eh hem!

  


Sara - GOSH. Not GOD. Gosh! He he.

  


Well kiddies, I'm stopping here. C'mon! You know I had to leave you with a cliff hanger somewhere. He he he Please don't hurt me! (Cowers)

  


Jo^2 - Oh! Quit being such a wimp.

  


Jo^2, you're mean!

  


Jo^2 - I am! Thank you!

  


Sara - Who's the mystery person?

  


You'll just have to wait and see.

  


Sara - Is it your English teacher? We'll call him Mr. W for now.

  


No!

  


Sara - It is, isn't it?

  


No!

  


Jo^2 - It is.

  


Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! Stop it! It's not him, ok! He doesn't belong here! He would kill me! I SUCK at grammar! He would kill me if he ever read this!

  


Jo^2 and Sara - Behind you.

  


(I turn around to find Mr. W who had been reading all along.) Oh. .... um ..... Hi, Mr. W. He he

  


Jo^2 - Now, your going to get it.

  


Mr. W - I need to talk to you, Squirrel Girl (Every girl who enters his class room is called that).

  


GULP. Uh. Well, I better go. He he he he he. Save me! Please, save me! Don't let him spear me!

  


Mr. W - That's not proper grammar! You die, now!

  


Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Bye bye!! 

  


Mr. W - Bye bye! Don't forget to study your grammar every day ........ or else. Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!


	5. Sorry about the longness The reading! It...

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Bad images! My eyes are soiled!

  


Mr. W - You're going to study this book until I see blood spurting out of your forehead, Squirrel Girl.

  


Jo^2 - Hello. The English teacher is still here.

  


Sara - Yeah! And he won't stop forcing the Author to read his EVIL grammar books. 

  


Quick! Quick! Someone gouge out my eyes! Aaaaaaaaaaaaah! It burns! 

  


Jo^2 - I can't do that.

  


Sara - (has a spoon prepared) I could, but Jo^2's sudden kindness has filled me with guilt.

  


Curse you, Jo^2!

  


Jo^2 - What?!

  


You made Sara feel guilty and now my eyes have yet to be gouged out.

  


Mr. W - Soon, you will be like ME! A WORD NERD. Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha!

  


Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

  


Jo^2 - Mr. W, look! Someone over there is using the sentence "Who do you want?".

  


Sara - Yeah! You better go stop them.

  


Mr. W - Rotten kids! It should be "Whom do you want". (Believe it or not, this is true. I should know. My English Teacher has mentioned SEVERAL times.)

  


Jo^2 and Sara - Go!!!

  


Mr. W scampers off to correct the unsuspecting teen.

  


Jo^2 - Author, are you ok?

  


(Rocking back and forth) The horror! The horror. The horrible grammar I've used.

  


Jo^2 and Sara - Guh?

  


Mr. W was right. I have soiled my words with horrible usage.

  


Jo^2 - No! We're too late. He's made her into a (gulp) word nerd!

Sara - Not if I have anything to say about it.

  


Sara grabs a huge hammer and whacks me in the head.

  


Ouch.

  


Jo^2 - Is she back to normal?

  


Wha happened?

  


Sara - She's back.

  


Jo^2 - How can you tell?

  


Sara - No proper English nut says "wha".

  


Jo^2 - Sure. Author, you must continue our tale.

  


Sure......... Who are you?

  


Jo^2 - Uh oh.

  


Who am I?

  


Sara - I hope THIS works. 

  


Sara whacks me again in the back of the head.

  


Jo^2 - Author?

  


Ouch!

  


Sara - Author! Get your big fat butt back to finishing this story.

  


Who you callin fat and big butted? 

  


Sara - Yay! She's back!

  


Huh? Oh well. Enough jibber jabbering. We've got a story to do.

  


Jo^2 and Sara - On with the show!

  


Hey! That's my line!

  


Jo^2 and Sara - So?

Oh! Ok!

  


You know where we last left our heroes. So, you figure it out.

  


Sara - Dude! I can't believe it's you!

  


Jo^2 - Yeah! I didn't expect you to meet us here.

  


Mysterious Voice - Yeah. Well, it took me a while to get here.

  


Jo^2 - Hey Author, are you going to reveal this person or not?!

  


Oh yeah! Sorry.

  


Mysterious Voice - I'm Ax. Fink's third and more efficient experiment.

  


Sara - What's that supposed to mean?

  


Ax - Nothing (giggle).

  


My eyes hurt! I'm crying and I can't feel my legs.

  


Jo^2 - Author, what are you doing here? 

  


Sara - Yeah! You're supposed to be telling the story! Not being in it.

  


Sorry! I'll stay out.

  


Ax - I should think so!

  


Jo^2 - Anyway, are you here to help us stop Oogie Boogie?

  


Ax - Well, duh!

  


Sara - Fine fine. Let's go. Lead the way, Beloved Jack!

  


Sally - Sara, stay away from my man!

  


Sara - Back off, Raggity Ann!

  


Sally - I'll show you!

  


Sally and Sara start fist fighting like bitches.

  


Ax - Do they always do this?

  


Jo^2 - Yes. Jack, are you gonna stop this?

  


Jack - No. It keeps them both busy while I make an escape. And besides, it's entertaining.

  


Ax - Jack!

  


Jo^2 - He has a point. Nothing is more entertaining than two proper you ladies fighting like bitches.

  


Jack - I'm glad you agree. I'll be leaving, now.

  


Sara and Sally - Wait, Jack!

  


Sara - Author, how dare you make me share a speaking thingy with HER!

  


Sally - For once, I agree with Sara.

  


Jimmy tap dancin Foyer! What's up with all the complaining? Sheesh! You people are like Mc Complainee from Complainerville in Complainadoland, U.S.A.! Stop with the complaining.

  


Everyone - Fine.

  


Now, Ax, could you PLEASE describe your outfit for the lovely audience? WITHOUT complaining.

  


Ax - Ok. I'm wearing a pink sleeveless dress that comes up just above the knees. I have a black choker, pink arm bands, and black wrist bands. I have pink shoes and blacks socks.. I look awesome!

  


Sara - Woo frickety hoo.

  


Jo^2 - While we stand here chatting away, Halloween Town is drawing ever closer to its doom.

  


Jack - She's right. As king, it is my duty to protect my town.

  


Ax -(whispers to Sara and Sally) I think Jo^2 is coming onto Jack.

  


Sara and Sally - Grrrrrr

  


Jo^2 - What are you two grrr-ing at?

  


Sally and Sara - Nobody.

  


Jack - Well, let's go!

  


Our heroes carry on with their journey, yet again. They soon come across ........... wait a minute! This can't be right!

  


Jo^2 - Sure it is. You wrote it!

  


Oh yeah! Anyway, they come across an unconscious Argentinian and a midget dressed as a nun blocking the path leading into the woods. (A little Moulin Rouge spice. He he If you haven't seen it, then just go along with it.)

  


Jo^2 - Dude! You're Tuluse from Moulin Rouge!

  


Sara - Whoda thunk it?

  


Jack, Sally, and Ax - Who?

  


Tuluse - Good day to you. I'm dweadfuwey sowey about this. Us bwocking the way I mean. (Tuluse has a somewhat lisp in the movie where some of his words are accompanied by a wa sound. Thank you John Leguizamo!)

  


Jo^2 - Saw right!

  


Sara - Jo^2 loves you in that movie!

  


Tuluse - Well, that's wonderful!

  


Jack - I'm sorry to brake up this fan girl party, but we need to pass.

  


Sally - Yeah. Halloween Town is in great trouble.

  


Tuluse - I'm sowey, but my fwiend won't move unless you answer a widdle.

  


Ax - A what?

  


Tuluse - A widdle.

  


Ax - What the hell is a "widdle"?

  


Sara - He means riddle, you simpleton!

  


Ax - Oh!

  


Jo^2 - Well, ask me anything! I know all, see all, and smell all. (Sniff sniff) Eeeeeeeew! Jack!

  


Jack - Wasn't me!

  


Sara - Anyway, please ask the riddle!

  


Tuluse - Awight. Now wet me think. What was it? I can't bewieve I can't wemember it.

  


Ax - SIGH This may take awhile.

  


Jack - Yeah. I hope he hurries. I think his lisp thingy is contagious.

  


Sally - What do you mean?

  


Jack - Well, look at Zero over there.

  


Zero - Wark Wark. Wow wow.

  


Sara - Zero! Here puppy puppy! So cute!!!

  


Zero - Woof. (Oh God! Wun! Wun!)

  


Zewo ... I mean Zero flies away quickly before Sara can catch him.

  


Sara - Oh! Bye bye, puppy.

  


Jo^2 - Have you thought of the widdle .. I mean riddle yet?

  


Tuluse - Sowey. Hey! While we wait, why don't we have some Deathsyne?

  


Jo^2 - Deathsyne?

  


Tuluse - Oh yes. It's a dwink that get's you dwunk wike alcohol, but has no alcohol in it what so ever.

  


Sara - But what is it that get's you drunk?

  


Tuluse - Vanilla with a hint of pink fwosting.

  


Sara - That can't get you drunk.

  


Tuluse - Yeah! You're wight, but it sure taste good.

  


Tuluse takes a swig from a bottle sitting beside him.

  


Jo^2 - Hey! This is no time to be drunk and merry! We need to here that riddle!

  


Tuluse - Awight. (Hicup)

  


Jo^2 - Uh oh!

  


Ax - So is there really vanilla and pink frosting in there?

  


Tuluse - No. (Hicup) I'm not absowutewey sure. (Hicup)

  


Ax - What do you mean?

  


Tuluse - I have no idea what the wecipe is. (Hicup)

  


Sara - Well, he can't be too drunk. He's not slurring his words.

  


Tuluse - Ohw! Well, I can fix that. (Takes another swig)

  


Jack - Crap!

  


Jo^2 - We're wasting time! What is the fricken riddle?!

  


Sara - Let me try some Deathsyne! (Sara takes a big swig from a bottle of Deathsyne)

  


Everyone else - Curses. This is going nowhere.

  


Several hours later.

  


The Argentinian is still unconscious, Tuluse and Sara are still drinking, and the others .........

  


Jack - (has taken off his head and is throwing it against the tombstone like a bouncy ball) 1,024. 1,025. 1,026. 1,027 ........

  


Tuluse and Sara - The hills are alive (hicup) with the sound of music. (Hicup) With songs they have (hicup) sung for a thousand years!

  


Sally - Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz (sleepy sleepy sleepy)

  


Ax - (shaking and rocking back and forth) Hills Hills Hills. Music! Music. Music. Yes. The ..... music...... and ..... the hills.

  


Jo^2 - (banging head against a tombstone) 1,234. 1,235. 1,236. 1,237. ........

  


Jack - Great. Now I've lost count. SIGH. 1. 2. 3. 4 .....

  


Jo^2 - Tuluse, have you remembered the riddle yet?!

  


Tuluse - No. (Hicup) I don't think so. (Hicup) Wha abouwt you, Sawa? (Hicup)

  


Sara - Nope (collapses onto the ground)

  


Tuluse - Ohw! (Hicup) Now, that's not wight.

  


Jo^2 - Author, this is embarrassing. Can you please fade out?

  


Why? Their drunkeness makes me laugh.

  


Jo^2 - Think of the audience! They must be bored by now!

  


No, they're not!

  


Audience - Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

  


Hey! Wake up! 

  


Audience - Just fade out already!

  


Oh man!

  


Jo^2 - It's for the best.

  


Mysterious Voice - Guess who?

  


Bob?

  


Mysterious Voice - Nope.

  


John?

  


Mysterious Voice - Not him either.

  


Miss Michigan?

  


Mysterious Voice - Not even close.

  


Jo^2 - Jimmy tap dancin Foyer! It's ...... It's ......

  


Mysterious Voice - Me!

  


Michael?

  


Mysterious Voice - No! It's me, Mr. W! 

  


Everyone - Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Mr. W - Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

  



	6. The Poking The Poking and the Brain Brai...

Hello. This is chapter six of my deluded fanfic.

Audience - Finally!

Shut up! Anyway, I suppose you're wondering why it took me so long.

Audience - No, not really.

Oh! Um. Well, I had a whole big speech ready and ...

Audience - Hey! What happened to Mr. W?

Whoops! I forgot about him.

Mr. W - That's right, you Urchin Weed!

Jo^2 - How could you forget he was here?

Just slipped my mind. I guess.

Sara - Oy vay!

Mr. W - Ok ...... Anyway, I'm going to make you read until your eyes are dilated!

Everyone - Dilated?

Mr. W - Yes, dilated. It's when your pupils get large and stuff like that.

Axe - Really?

Hi, Axe! Wow! This is your first time being in the beginning, isn't it?

Axe - Yep.

Sara - That's just great! BUT YOU HAVE FORGOTTEN THE WHOLE THREATENING TEACHER THING!

Mr. W - As rare as it is, Sara's right.

Axe - Can't you just sit back, relax, and enjoy the show?

Mr. W - I could ..... I'll tell you what. If I enjoy this chapter, then I'll peel you an apple.

Jo^2 - Couldn't you just spare our lives?

Mr. W - Yeah yeah! What she said. So, what do you say?

Jo^2, Sarah, and Axe - Author?

(Singing) eight, six, seven, five, three, o, nnnnniiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnne.

Everyone - AUTHOR!

Wha? Oh sure sure. Eight, six, seven, five, three, o, nnnnnnnniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeiiiiiiiinnnnnne!

Mr. W - Good Luck! Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Yeah. Sure. Anyway, we last left our heroes in a strange predicament.

Jo^2 - DO YOU REMEMBER THE RIDDLE, YET?!!!!!

Tuluse - Nope. Sowey (hicup)

Sara - (waking up) Oh. What happened?

Jack - You got drunk and took a nice long nap.

Sara - Oh Jack! (Hugs Jack around the middle) I'm so sorry!!! I have a problem! I admit it! I'll go through therapy. Just please don't leave me!

Sally - ( Awake) Grrrrrrrr

Jack - Um .... Ok ..... ok... Just get off me. You're kind of breaking my ribs.

Sara - Whoops.

Axe - (sane) It's been five hours.

Tuluse - Sowey. I have shorwt tewrm memorwy woss. I weally need to take my medication.

Jo^2 - You couldn't have told us that several hours ago?

Tuluse - I forgot.

Sara - Oh my gosh! (I remember not to say God) I totally forgot something.

Sara runs towards Fink's lab.

Everyone - Hey! Wait up!

Everyone except Tuluse and the Argentinian follow.

A few minutes later our heroes burst through the door of Finkie's lab.

Sara - Finkie, we're home.

Fink - (wearing a blonde wig and a peach suit) Hit me, baby, one more time! My loneliness is killing me. I must confess I still believe. Still believe.

Axe - Um .... Finkie?

Fink - Oh! Uh .... Sorry. I was just uh ..... practicing .... for a ..... um 

Jo^2 - Just forget it. I don't want to know!

Sally - Why did you bring us here, Sara?

Sara - There's something I have to do.

Axe - You don't have to go to the bathroom, do you? Jo^2 made it perfectly clear when Sally ...

Sally - Hello! Standing right here!

Sara - No, this is much more important. This could be the answer to all of our problems.

Sara walks over to Fink, pulls off his wig, lifts up his scalp, and pokes at Fink's brain.

Fink - Hey!!

Jack - You dragged us all the way back here, just to poke at Fink's brain?

Sara - Yep (poke)

Fink - Topsay! Hatstay otnay unnyfay!

Axe - Whoa! What did you push?

Jo^2 - You made him speak pig latin.

Sara - Let's try again. (Poke)

Fink - I hate my daughter! My father never hugged me once as a child!

Sally - Daddy!

Jo^2 - Ooooooo! Trauma!

Fink - My mother had a fetish for lawn mowers!

Axe - Ok. This is getting weird!

Sara - Let's try a different station. (Poke)

Fink - Ch ch ch ch ch ch ah ah ah ah ah.

Jack - What?

Axe - He thinks he does the weird whispery noises in all the Jason Vorhees movies.

Jack - ???

Sally - Jason Vorhees! You know! The Friday the 13th series.

Jack - ???

Jo^2 - Battled Freddy Krueger ..... carried a big machete ....

Sally - Yeah! Jason totally kicked Freddy's ass!

Sara - He did not!!!!

Sally - Pardon me, but wasn't it Freddy's head Jason was holding?

Axe - Well, whose head should he be holding?

Sally - I don't know, but he can hold my head any day. Sighs dreamily.

Jack - Sally!

Sally - Anyway, Freddy's ass was clearly kicked and chopped up into little pieces!

Sara - Are you blind? He winked at the audience in the end! Jason was lucky! Freddy lives!! 

Jo^2 - Evil never dies. (Shrugs)

Axe - This is besides the point. Jack, you have no idea who Jason Vorhees is?

Jack - ???

Sally - I swear! When we're married, I'm taking you to California. You really need to get out more!

Jo^2 - Why California?

Sally - I don't know. I hear it's nice in the spring.

Sara - I'll come with you.

Sally - Oh no you won't!

Sara - Just try and stop me!

Sally - Fine!

Sally tackles Sara to the ground.

Axe - Not again.

Jo^2 - Let me try. (Poke)

Sara - Hey! That's my job!

Fink - Giggle giggle

Jack - Dude!

Sally - What?

Axe - Jo^2 just made him giggle like the Pillsbury Dough Boy!

Sara - Do it again.

Jo^2 - Ok (poke)

Fink - Giggle giggle.

Everyone - Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Mr. W - My turn! My turn!! (Poke)

Fink - It took Sally three years to be potty trained.

Sally - Hey!

Sara - Family secrets. (Grins)

Jack - You never told me that.

Sally - It's not true! Poking his brain is probably damaging his memory.

Jo^2 - Excuses excuses.

Sara - What ever you say, Piddley Ann.

Fink - When I was experimenting, I accidentally put whipped cream in Jo^2's head instead of a real brain.

Axe - That explains a lot.

Jo^2 - He did what in the what now!

Hey! I want to try! (Poke)

Fink gets up from his wheel chair.

Everyone - Gasp.

Axe - He can walk!

Jo^2 - I thought he was faking it.

Sara - My whole life has been a lie!

Fink - Luke, I am your father.

Sally - Been there, done that.

Mr. W - Yes, you're right. Let's try something new. (Pokes Jo^2's head)

Jo^2 - (gets on knees and cradles right hand) Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Fink - Join me, Luke! We will rule as father and son!

Jo^2 - Never! I could never join you!

Sara - Um .... ok .... What do you make of this, Axe? Axe?

Axe - Well, ... I thought Luke's father was Chubaca, but I guess I was wrong.

Sara - No! That's not what I mean! ......... You really thought Chubaca was Luke's father?

Axe - Yep.

Jack - Axe, you're a dumb ass. Anyway, what are we going to do about Oogie Boogie?

Sally - No clue.

Axe - We could stay here and poke at Fink's brain some more.

Jack - How would that help?

Axe - Well, it wouldn't, but it would take up some time.

Jack - ............. ok.

And so Jack, Sally, Axe, Mr. W, Joe, Bob, Katie, Robert, Author, Amy, Nicky, Adam, Holly, Atticus, Harry Potter, Slim, Marcia Marcia Marcia, Sunny, Amy, Kevin, and all the rest spent the rest of the night poking at brains and messing up people's lives. Tune in next week for a new episode of All In The Family.

Axe - That's not the name.

Family Ties?

Sally - Nope

Diff'rent Strokes?

Jack - Nah!

The Brady Bunch?

Everyone - Hell no!

Jo^2 - Just end it!

Axe - You've already convinced Mr. W not to kill us.

Mr. W - I liked the part where I got to poke Jo^2 in the head.

Jo^2 - Good times.

But ... but ....

Audience - Please! Have mercy! End the pain!

Alright fine! Bye bye. Have a nice life. Leave a review and don't let the door hit you in the ass on your way out!

Audience member - Ouch!

Told you! Bye bye! Thanks for your patience! See ya!


	7. Pudding and Pop Rocks!

Hello! Welcome back .............................. to your DOOM!!!!!!!!! Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Jo^2 - Yeah! Prepare to eat moldy cheese!! Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha

Sara - And ... and have mushy tuna shoved between your itty bitty wittle toes! He he he he he!

Axe - But DOLPHIN SAFE tuna!! Must protect the dolphins! (Turns and bows toward a giant gold dolphin statue.) Hail mighty dolphin man!

Jo^2 - Hey! Where did you get that thingy?

Axe - Somewhere special.

Sara - Oh my GOSH!!! (ha ha) I have an idea.

What?

Sara - We can sell the gold statue and buy us some chocolate pudding. Yay!

Jo^2 - Yay! Choco - late puddin!

Axe - No! My dolphin! MINE!!!!

Aww! C'mon Axe! It's chocolate pudding! With the chocolate and the pudding and the purchasing of it!!

Axe - NO!!! MY DOLPHIN!!! MY MAGIC DOLPHIN!!!!!!

Why don't we buy a chocolate dolphin filled with chocolate pudding?

Everyone - Yaya!!

Sara - We can scoop some whipped cream out of Jo^2's head.

Jo^2 - NOOOOOO! NO MORE POKING!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH! (Runs through a brick wall. ...... Wait that's not brick.)

(Breaks away some of the wall and licks it)

This wall is made entirely of pop rocks.

(Jo^2 sticks her head through another part of the wall.)

Jo^2 - Pop rocks?

Everyone - Yippee skippedy doodles!

(Everyone begins stuffing pieces of pop rocks into their mouths.)

Pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop krackle.

Everyone - Hey!!

Sorry, poppity pop pop pop pop.

Well, now that everyone has got some poppity good snacks, let's return to the story.

Sara - Hey! Anyone got any soda?

Jo^2 - He he

We last left our heroes in Finkie's lab where ... um .... Well, see for yourself!

Everyone - Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Sally - Don't you think this is cruel?

Sara - Hell no, you poor excuse for a rag! This is entertaining!!! I've always wanted to see Titanic.

Fink - (In his wheel chair by a picnic table) Never let go, Rose. Promise me. You'll never let go.

Jo^2 - (Laying on her stomach on the picnic table) I promise, Jack. I promise.

Axe - Hey! Don't they kiss at this part?

Jo^2 - If you think I'm kissing duckman, then you shall die a horrible death filled with fire, brimstone, and gassy farting!

Fink - But I thought you loved me!

Jo^2 - Snap out of it, Finkie!

Jo^2 slaps Fink, lifts up his scalp, and punches his brain. His brain flies across the room.

Fink - What happened?

Sally - Dad? But your brain.

Fink - What about it?

Axe walks across the room and picks up Fink's brain.

Axe - It's made of plastic.

Sara - Again, my life is a lie!

Fink - Give me that!

Fink take his brain (YOINK) from Axe and stuffs it back into his head and closes his scalp. 

Jack - So now what do we do for fun?

Sally - We could play charades.

Jo^2 - Nah! That game is so 8 millennia ago!

Sally - Exactly how long have you been around?

Jo^2 - Oh. Here and there.

Axe - We're stuck with nothing to do and look! It's raining outside.

Sara - SIGH I suppose we could go sit in front of the window and watch it.

Everyone pulls up a chair and sits in front of the window to watch the rain come down.

Fink - Well, I have to go do something.

Jo^2 - Where are you going? You're not going to break out into song again are you?

Fink - No! I'm going to weld my head shut. That way, none of you idiots can get to it.

Finkie rolls on out of the room, but is followed by the group.

Fink - Why are you following me? I thought you were watching the rain.

Jo^2 - One. Two. Three. Hit it!

Everyone - Rollin rollin rollin. Rollin rollin rollin. Rollin rollin rollin. Rollin rollin rollin. Rawhide! (If you have no clue where this song comes from, look for Rawhide or An American Tail: Fievel Goes West. So, :p)

Fink - Shutup!

Sara - Just messin with you, Finkie.

Axe - Yeah! Loosen up, Duckman.

Fink - I am not Duckman!!

Jack - You know, it feels like we forgot something.

Jo^2 - You're right!

Jo^2 reaches into a random bag and pulls out a can of cheese whiz.

Jo^2 - Audience, I wasn't lying when I said I would make you eat moldy cheese.

Audience - GULP But that's not moldy ...... and that's not cheese.

Jo^2 - It's not?

Jo^2 presses down on the release button thingy and the can explodes. Cheese is spread everywhere and the air is filled with moldy dust.

Jo^2 - COUGH I told you COUGH that it COUGH was moldy COUGH COUGH DIDDY COUGH COUGH COUGH

Mysterious Voices (Do you see the little S? That means that there is MORE THAN ONE! NO CONFUSION!) - Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Mysterious Voice 1 - Free! Free at last!

Mysterious Voice 2 - Now, we can continue the plan!

Mysterious Voice 3 - Guys! I think some of the mold ate my left ear!

Sara - What? Who are these people? COUGH 

Axe - Let's COUGH find out!

Axe pulls out a box.

Axe - Oh great powers, have the mold come to me!

A blue electricity comes out of the box and the mold smog is sucked into the box and the room is clear!

Jack - (Breathes in deeply) Fresh air!

Sally - Why can't I breathe in the freshness of the air?

Sally has failed to notice the gas mask covering her mouth that leads to a tank of the moldy gas.

Sara - He he

Jack - Sara!

Sara - What? What did I do?

Sally removes the mask and breathes in freshness. Mmmmmm ........ minty.

Sally - Hey! Where's Professor Fink?

Sara - Don't you mean Daddy?

Sally - Yeah yeah! Whatever. Where is he?

Suddenly, a muffled voice comes from Axe's box.

Fink - Hey! Get me out of here. It's all moldy! I can't breathe!

Axe - Whoops!

Jo^2 - We'll worry about him later.

Fink - NOOOOOOOOOOOO! I CAN'T BREATHE! I'M GOING TO DIE!

Jo^2 - I said later!

Fink - IT'S GETTING DARK!

Axe - Well, no duh! You're inside a box!

Sara - Now, who are the foes that dare tread all over our breathing rights?

Mysterious Voice 2 - You'll never win!

Jo^2 - Author, does it really matter whether it's voice 1, 2, or 3? We don't know who these guys are, anyway.

Yes, it matters! You stupid Urchin Weed!

Sara - Urchin Weed?

Axe - Wait a minute! You're not the author!

Sara - You're ......

The guy the people are referring to pulls of his mask!

Everyone - Mr. W!

Sara - Who'da thunk it?

Mr. W - Mwa ha ha ha ha ha! That's right!!

Axe - But where's the real author? I know we're not a product of your advanced mind!

Mr. W - You got that right! She's over there filling her fat face with chocolate pudding.

Mr. W points over to a random place where the author is sitting on the floor while spooning pudding into her mouth, but notices everyone looking at her.

Real Author (when's the last time I did this?) - What? Do I have something on my face?

Sara - Yes, but that's not the point.

Mysterious Voice 3 - Wait! Wait! What's going on? Who are you? Who is Mr. W?

Real Author - Well, aren't you a .... um ..... guy with a lot of questions.

Jack - Just tell us who they are. PLEASE!!!

Real Author - Well, ...... ok. But only because you said please.

Mysterious Voices - Noooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Everyone - Silence in a exciting anticipating sort of way.

Real Author - (stuffs more pudding into her mouth) It's Rock, Shrock, and Rarrel.

Axe - Who?

Real Author - (swallows) I said Lock, Shock, and Barrel. Are you guys deaf? I mean it's not that hard to understand.

Shock - Shut up!

Lock - You are all pathetic.

Barrel - You guys are cockroaches compared to Oogie Boogie!

Shock - Now, we're going to kill you all!

Lock - Yeah! We're gonna ..... Hey! Why can't I move?!

The three trick or treaters are tied up in chairs with our heroes surrounding them.

Sara - While you guys were babbling away, we caught you and tied you up.

Jo^2 - Yeah! It was easy. Your pointless threats gave us plenty of time to get behind you andstick you in chairs.

Axe - Now, you're going to tell us what Oogie's up to.

Barrel - Never! We're forever loyal to our great master.

Lock - We'll never talk.

Lock sticks out his tongue.

Fink - I'll take that.

Fink grabs Lock's tongue and pulls really really hard.

Lock - Ow! Hey! Thas my tongue! Le go! 

Axe - Ewww. Fink, you don't know where that's been.

Fink - Hey! I'm wearing gloves!

Sara - Way to go, Fink!

Fink - You're going to tell us all about Oogie or else.

Shock - Or else what? I don't care if you torture him!

Fink - Or else this.

While holding onto Lock's tongue, Fink rolls over onto Shock's foot with a sickening crunch. Cool!

Shock - Ow! The pain! Get off my foot, you poor excuse for a duck!

Sara - Told you!

Fink - Shut up! I'm not getting off until you tell me what I need to know.

Jo^2 - Go Finkie. It's your birthday! It's your birthday!

Shock - Fine. Ok! Ok! Tell them, Lock!

Lock - Weww uow see. He's twying to destwoy Hawoween Town because ....

Fink - Oh! So, you like to play games?

Shock - What?

Axe - We asked for the information and you mock us with your useless babbling.

Shock - Wait! He's trying to ...

Fink - Enough. I see we're going to need some further persuasion.

Barrel - You don't understand.

Fink - I understand! Don't I understand, Jo^2?

Jo^2 - That's right, Chief!

Fink - Axe, Jo^2, Sara, go get ...... you know who.

Axe - This is going to be good.

The three girls leave the room.

Sally - Who are they talking about?

Fink - You'll see.

Lock, Shock, and Barrel - Gulp

The three girls re-enter.

Axe - Lock, Shock, Barrel, we have someone we'd like you to meet.

Sara - Yeah! He's real good friend of ours.

Jo^2 - And he's been dying to meet you three.

Sara, Axe, and Jo^2 step aside to reveal .................

Jo^2 - Children, this is Mr. W.

Mr. W - Hello. He he he he he.

Sara - He's here to talk about grammar.

Axe - Mr. W, please teach our friends the importance of good grammar.

Mr. W - With pleasure, Squirrel Girls.

Mr. W advances on Lock, Shock, and Barrel.

Lock, Shock, and Barrel - NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Well, that's all folks! Tune in whenever for chapter 8 ...... Whatever that means.

Jo^2 - Wow! This is the first time Mr. W has ever actually been in the story.

Axe - He should get an award or something.

Sara - Yeah! And a big ceremony with an audience and songs and balloons.

Eh. Maybe later.

Jo^2, Sara, and Axe - Bye bye! We gots to go now. We're missing the torture show starring Mr. W and the 3 brats of Trick or Treat.

Jo^2 - I got front row seats!

Hey! I was not informed about the money making! 

Axe - Sorry.

The three heroines scamper off to watch the joyful torture.

Bye bye!!


	8. Wavey Flashback Footey Action! Hyah!

Hello! Here it is! The moment you've all been waiting for!!!!!!!!!

Everyone - The end?

Heh heh heh heh ......... no. Chapter 8!

Sara - Author, don't you think you're kind of ...... drawing this out?

What mean you?

Jo^2 - She means you could've ended this in four chapters, but you've drawn it out to span over several pointless chapters.

???

Axe - Are you going to continue doing this?

Uh .............

Jo^2 - Let's take a look see! 

Jo^2 grabs my magic Author remote.

Hey!

Jo^2 - Fast forward!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fdhgoidhfgiojfdlkjtgoimnenguifhngvubighjrfnyjruiehntyekyiujeoptkyioektryopkeokyjtriyjrjyijri

Oh my God! I'm all old and wrinkly!

Future me - Hello Children, well, it's been ...... uh ...... let's see ........ 60 years since I started this story. And now it's time for chapter 259. What say you audience?

Cricket cricket cricket cricket

Future me - I thought crickets chirped.

Jo^2 - Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Look! There I am! And I'm ........ old!

Jo^100 (old) - The people at the copyright office says we couldn't use the chirping.

Future me - Oh fiddle sticks.

Sara - Look! That's me! Now, we'll see who won Jack!

Old Sara - There also suing you for .... um ..... now .... what was it?

Axe - Oh my!

Axe's skeleton is shown in a wheel chair and is holding a piece of paper.

Old Sara - (grabs the paper) Thanks, Axe. You know, I wonder why Axe stopped talkin. It was around the time I lost about 90% of my vision. The year was 1972 and I was boarding the great ship Mickey when ....

Jo^100 - Sara, you were talking about people suing us.

Old Sara - Oh yeah! Nasty stuff. Mainly in the sewers, but it finds its way up here and into my slippers somehow ......

Future me - Not sewage! Suing! People suing us! 

Old Sara - Oh right! Let's see ..... You're being sued by Tim Burton for the whole Nightmare Before Christmas parody, Kelly Peepers for ruining her party (check chap. 1), her dog for making it sick in the first place, the people from Friday the 13th and Nightmare on Elm Street movies for using the names "Freddy Krueger" and "Jason Vorhees". .. ........... and it just goes on like this.

HOLD ON ONE FRIGGIN MINUTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I said it in the beginning about the whole not suing us dealey! LET ME AT THOSE LAWYERS!!!!

Jo^2 (holding me back) - Calm down, Author!

Old me - Who are you People?

Jo^100 - I think their spies! Their trying to find more ways to sue us.

Jo^2, Axe, Sara, and me - Uh oh!

Old Sara - Security!

Axe - Time to go!

Axe grabs the remote from Jo^2 and pushes a button.

REWIND

idhfsohfijijgifjgfmkhidhiguvbfbmpodjfuhgdfskjgiofjdkopgjdfoigkfojgofjgpodkfogo ... crap!

Sara - Yay! We're back to our time!

Axe - That was close!

Jo^2 - Um .... guys?

Baby Sara - Mommy?

Baby Axe - Goo goo!

Jo^0 (baby) - Whoopsi!

Sara - Oh my!

On with the show ...........................................

Barrel - Stop! Oh please!!!!!!!! Make it stop!!!!!!!!!!

Shock - Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Lock - Ow! Ma wetinas!

Mr. W - ....... and that is how to diagram a sentence.

Fink - Are you ready to talk?

Barrel - Yes! Oh God, yes!

GOD - That's it!

Suddenly, a bolt of lightning comes from the ceiling and turns Barrel into a pile of moldy cheese dust.

Jo^2 - Now, that wasn't called for!

Sara - Yeah! We needed him for info.

GOD - I don't care! And Sara, why don't you call me anymore?

Sara - What?

GOD - It's been so long.

Sara - But, you ...

Axe - Well, while they're working out their differences, tell us what we need to know, Shock!

Jo^2 - Yeah! Or we'll tape you to Mr. W's hand and then you'll never hear the end of him.

Mr. W - Tee hee

Shock - No!!!! Ok! I'll talk! Oogie stole the corpses and is trying to destroy Halloween Town!

Jack - You're not telling me he's still mad about the whole bicycling contest in 1964!

Axe, Jo^2, and Sara - Guh?

Jack - Oh yes! It was a long time ago and what a fine day it was ........

CUE THE WAVY FLASHBACK SCREEN THINGY! Wavey wavey!

Many years ago ..... At the Halloween Town picnic ..

Little Oogie - Jack, I bet I can beat you at the bicycling contest!

Mini - Jack - You're on!

Sara - Awwwwwwwwwwwwwe! He's so cute!

Mini - Jack - Who are you?

Sara picks up little Jack and begins to squeeze him really really tight.

Jack - Sara! This is a flashback! You're not supposed to be here!

Sara - Whoops! Sorry, My Love!

Anyway, Sara drops Mini- Jack and backs away.

Mini Jack - What do you wager?

Little Oogie - If I win, .................. I get your entire spider collection.

Mini Jack - And if I win?

Little Oogie - If you win, then you get to be king of Halloween Town!

Jack - Ok! Ready, Set, GO!

The tiny tots take off on the tiny trikes! Whoa! I just did an alliteration. Aaaaaaaaaaaah! Mr. W's wordiness is rubbing off on me! Quick! Someone get me a sponge!

And they're off! Oogie takes an immediate lead, but Jack is right on his tail .....

Jo^2 - Ok! Ok! You don't need to continue this!

Why?! It gets really good when ...

Axe - We already know who wins!

Yes, but it doesn't exactly ...

Sara - Just end the stupid flashback!

Oh fine! Stupid little ..... mumble mumble.....

Back to the present!

Sara - So let me get this straight! This whole rivalry between you and Oogie is because of a stupid race.

Jack - Yep.

Sara - Good enough for me! Let's go kick his ass!

Sara, Jo^2, Axe, Jack, and Sally begin to leave Fink's lab.

Shock - Wait!

Sally - Oh! What now?

Shock - Aren't you going to release us? We told you what you needed to know!

Axe - Nah! We like you better this way.

Jo^2 - And besides this keeps Mr. W busy!

Fink - Wait! I'm coming too!

Sara - Why?

Fink - Are you crazy?

Sara - Um ... yes.

Fink - I'm not staying here with all the grammar teachings.

Sally - Well, I suppose you can come along.

Fink - Of course I can.

Mr. W - Bye bye, Squirrel People!

Everyone - Bye, Mr. W!

The group of heroes exit, leaving the three trick or treaters alone with the English teacher.

Mr. W - Well, fellows, I guess it's just you, me, and this 500 page grammar book.

Lock, Shock, and Barrel - Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

We rejoin our heroes as they make their way through the graveyard.

Jo^2 - So, what was your agreement with God?

Sara - I told him I would call him once a week. That way, he's not constantly annoyed by me and I'm not turned into a smoldering pile of dust.

Axe - Ok. Now, we're off to kick Oogie's ass!

Sara - That brings to mind, ...... a song!

Sally - Uh oh!

Sara - (to the tune of We're Off to See the Wizard from The Wizard of Oz) Oooooooooooh! We're off to beat up Oogie! The stupidest Oogie of all! He's very very very very very stupid because he tried to destroy my one true love and that deserves a pouding because because because because because becaaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse he pisses me off like no one else does!

Fink - Why? What possessed me to bring her back to life?

Suddenly, the scarecrow comes out of nowhere, lifts up Finkie's scalp, and takes his brain!

Scarecrow - Yoink!

Fink - Hey! Give that back, you stupid scarecrow guy!

Scarecrow - Yay! I finally have a brain! Now, I can take over the world.

The Tin Man is staring at Jo^2.

Jo^2 - Don't even think about it, Tin Man!

Tine Man - Rats!

Jack - Where did these freaks come from?!

Sally - How should I know? 

Sally notices the Scarecrow staring at her.

Sally - What do you want?

Scarecrow - You're very pretty.

Sally - Oh crap!

Scarecrow - Will you marry me?

Jack - Hey! She's taken!

Sara runs up and sticks duck tape over Jack's mouth.

Sara - She excepts your offer. How's does June sound? I hear it's lovely in the spring.

Sally - Sara!

Sara whacks duck tape across Sally's mouth.

Sara - Here's my card. Call me in the morning.

Sara hands the Scarecrow a tiny card.

Scarecrow - Gee Thanks. Come, My Sweet.

Suddenly, Jack lunges at Scarecrow and Sally lunges at Sara. They all begin to fight!

Jo^2 - Oh crap!

Axe - What do we do?

Jo^2 - I think I have an idea!

Jo^2 pulls out a whistle and blows on it.

Jo^2's whistle - eep eep eep eep oo oo ooo oo oo

Suddenly, a large group of flying monkeys comes at them.

Tin Man - Oh my gosh! Flying Monkeys!

Scarecrow - Run away!

The Tin Man and Scarecrow run far far away until no one can see them anymore.

Axe - What did you do?

A flying monkey lands on Jo^2's shoulder and she gives him a banana.

Jo^2 - Flying monkey whistle. Works like a charm. Awwwe. Who's a good little monkey?

Jo^2 joyfully pets the flying monkey and makes baby noises at it.

Jack - I thought only th Wicked Witch of the West could summon those.

Jo^2 - Ee hee he he he he he he he he!

Jack - Oh!

Axe - Wait! What about Fink's brain? The Scarecrow ran off with it.

Fink - That's alright. I have a spare.

Fink pulls out an extra brain and puts it in his head.

Sara - Stupid Ragdoll!

Sally - Hey! This isn't my fault!

Jack - What the?

Sally is totally torn apart and leaves are spread everywhere and two monkeys are whacking each other with her arms.

Jo^2 - Sorry. It's a habit.

Sara leans over to Jo^2.

Sara - Thanks. I owe you one.

Fink - So, now we have to get her back together.

Sara - Do we have to?

Fink - Yes.

Everyone begins picking up Sally parts and attempts to put her back together again.

Sara - Uh oh!

Jo^2 - What?

Sara - I feel a .... a 

Axe - What? What is it?

Sara - I feel a song coming on!

Jack - Oh no!

Sara - Theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee leg bone's connected to the knee bone, the knee bone's connected to the other leg bone .....

Axe - Oh! Make it stop!

Fink pulls out his brain and stuffs it into his ears!

Sally - But I have no bones!

Jo^2 - Too late now. 

Sara - The stomach bone's connected the chest bone, the chest bone's connected to the neck bone, the neck bone's connected to my belt buckle, the .... uh oh.

Well, be be be be be be be that's all folks! Please tune in some other time and maybe Sara will stop singing by then!

Sara - I think not!

Sara, you can't sing forever!

Sara - I know! That's why I have created this cd. The bestest hits of Sara!

Axe - This cd includes such classics as the I'm A" Zombay" song and the ever so popular I Love Jack and He Better Marry Me or I'm Gonna Kill Somebody song!

Jo^2 - And it only cost $19.95 plus shipping and handling which is also $19.95.

Sara - Buy it, today (wink) ....... or else. Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Mr. W - Hey! That's my line!

Sara - Say's who?

Mr. W - Says me!

Uh oh! Bye bye, folks!

  



	9. Will this story never end!

Hello! Long time, no see.

Axe - Author! You're getting lazy!

What do you mean?!

Sara - It took you weeks to actually begin writing this chapter.

So?

Sara - So, ........ It's getting really annoying!

Jo^2 - I say we roast her!

What?!

Axe - Let's tie her to a stick and burn her over an open flame.

Wait! Hold on a second.

Jo^2, Sara, and Axe grab me and tie me to stick and begin stacking wood at my feet.

This is mutiny.

Sara - Sorry, but according to our handy dictionary, .....

Axe - All hail the mighty dictionary!

Jo^2 - What about the dolphin?

Axe - Yes, the dolphin! Uh oh! Such a hard decision! Dictionary or Dolphin. Dictionary or Dolphin. Aaaaaaaaaaah! Too hard to choose!

Jo^2 - Why don't you just worship them both? That way you'll be a .... um ..... what's it called?

Mr. W - A polytheist?

Jo^2 - Yeah! That's it! ....... Aaaaaaaah! Mr.W!

Mr. W - I've come to donate books for the burning of the author.

Mr. W! You can't kill me! I'm your student!

Mr. W - True, but technically I'm not killing you. I'm just leaving these books here for the Squirrel Girls to do whatever they want with them.

That sucks!!!

Axe - Mr. W? Burning books? 

Jo^2 - Who are you and where is the real Mr. W?

Mr. W - I am he who is called Mr. W.

Axe and Jo^2 - Blank stare

Mr. W - It's really me.

Axe and Jo^2 - Blank stare.

Mr. W - I'm Mr. W!

Axe and Jo^2 - Blank stare.

Mr. W - Grrr Read my name tag!!!

The name tag pinned to his shirt reads Mr. W.

Axe and Jo^2 - Oh! Ok!

Mr. W - These books are crappy and badly written and they are not worthy of existence.

Jo^2 - Hey! This one is mine!

Axe - (reads title) "Jo^2, The Unsolved Equation" What does that mean?

Jo^2 - My biography.

Sara - Ehem!

Axe - What?!

Sara - You interrupted me! I was about to read from the all mighty dictionary.

Axe - Ok. Go ahead.

Yes, go ahead, Sara. You traitor!

Jo^2 - Author! Let's keep it PG - 13! Please!

Why? You've said more curses than I have.

Sara - She's right, but that's not the point. Anyway, the dictionary says that mutiny is a 

"rebellion against legal authority: a rebellion against legal authority, especially by soldiers or sailors refusing to obey orders and, often, attacking their officers"

(taken from this website: )

So? That kind of applies here!

Jo^2 - No, it doesn't!

Axe - You aren't legal authority!

Sara - So, we could hang you by your ankles and kick you in the head a dozen times and it wouldn't make any difference!

Everyone - Bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Axe - Wait! Why are you laughing?! We're about to burn you!

Jo^2 - Yeah! What's the hub bub, bub?

Mr. W - (shudder) Stupid slang terms!

I am legal authority!

Sara - How?

All authors have authority over their stories.

Axe - How do you get that?!

Look at the word "authority".

Jo^2 - Ok! Looking, but not seeing anything special!

Take away the "ity".

Sara - Oh my (um ..... oh crab apples! I'm lost with this!) It spells author!

Axe - What does it mean?

Jo^2 - It means by the Word Within a Word Act of 1984, Author has full authority over all of us.

Mr. W - So what? We can still do the mutiny thing!

Axe - No!

Jo^2 - I'm all good for burning her at the stake, but mutiny ...... that's just wrong!

Mr. W - It's the same thing!

Sara - Calm down, Mr. W! Don't make me turn this car around!

Mr. W - Stupid Squirrel Person!

Well, now that we have that little predicament worked out, let's return to our story .......

Jack - Well, it took 68 hours, but we finally got Sally back together.

Axe - Those soap commercials aren't lying when they say all 2000 parts.

Jo^2 - Well, I bet Oogie has already destroyed Halloween Town and is on his way to kill us.

Axe - But we're already dead.

Jo^2 - By the laws of Halloween Town, a person can become double dead.

Jack - This is true.

Sara - No no no no no no!

Fink - What is it, Sara?

Sara - For once, I had a chance with Jack, but you people ruined it!

Sally - Oh quit your nagging!

Sara - grumble

Jack - Jo^2, don't give up, yet!

Sara - Oh crap! Is this going to be one of those "inspirational" speeches that are always made when the hero of the story has lost all hope?

Jack - Yes and if you truly love me, you'll sit through it.

Sally - Bye!

Jack - Sally!

Sally - Just kidding! Heh heh heh

Sara - I do anything Jack say! (Drool)

Fink - Way to go, Jack! Good job of using her love for you to your advantage.

Jack - I'm the man!

Jo^2 - Hello! Still utterly depressed here!!! 

Axe - Jo^2, you can't give up your love for Halloween Town. This is your dream to be here. You can't let it be destroyed.

Jack - Hey! You read off my cue cards! That was MY speech!

Axe - Tee hee.

Jo^2 - (sniff) You're right, Axe. As God as my witness!

Silence

Jo^2 - Ehem As God as my witness!

More silence

Jo^2 - AS GOD AS MY WITNESS!

God - Ok ok! I'm here! Sheesh! I'm witnessing! Go on!

Jo^2 - I swear I will never let Halloween Town be destroyed!

Flash of lightning strikes behind Jo^2 and almost hits her.

Jo^2 - Hey!

God - Sorry, I thought it would look cool.

Axe - You go, Jo^2! Hug!

Jo^2 and Axe hug.

Hey! Wait a minute! Stop the really annoying elevator music! 

Jo^2 - What?! We're having a friendship moment!

I made this to be a kick ass awesome comedy! Not some stupid love fest! People are rioting!

Axe - Really? Where?

The group looks behind them to see a large group of people holding up signs and yelling. Our heroes notice the audience protesting as well.

Sara - Audience!

Axe - And we trusted you!

Audience - What?

Jo^2 - Why are you protesting?

Audience - We're protesting against throwing batteries at Radio Hut (An electronics store cough cough)

Fink - You're in the wrong group.

Audience - Oh! Ok! See ya!

Hold it right there! You're going to sit down and watch this story or I'll bring out the mimes.

Jack - Mimes?

Sally - As in silent clown guys?

Yes. Don't make me break out the mimes! They're from Mime Town.

Fink - I'm not even going to ask.

Audience - Shudder

Sara - Anyway, what's up, Protestors?

Protestor Guy - We are against all forms of positive emotion in this story!

Protestor Girl - Yeah! What did they ever do to you?!

Axe - Who?

Protestor Other Guy - Don't try to deny it! "LET'S MAKE A NOTION! DOWN WITH EMOTION!"

Protestor Other Girl - "BRING BACK THE BLOOD AND NOT THE LOVE!"

Sally - This is getting annoying!

Jack - Make the rhyming stop!

Jo^2 - I can't take much more of this!

Protestor ...... I have no idea - "STOP THE HUGGING! BRING BACK MUGGING!"

Axe - Mugging?

Protestor ...... Thing - Yeah! You know! Like robbing!

Fink - You suck at protesting!

Protestor ....... Meh. - I am ashamed.

Axe - We have to do something!

Sara - I have an idea! Wait right here!

Sara runs off.

Jack - Where's she going?

Axe - I don't know.

Sara returns.

Sara - Protestors that are FOR hate, meet your mortal enemy!

Sara steps back to reveal an army of hippie protestors!

Hippie Guy - LIKE, peace, love, and groovy tunes are forever, man.

Hippie Girl - Yeah. You can't just like ditch them.

Hippie Guy - If that happened, things would be like whoa.

Hippie Girl - Yeah, whoa.

Protestor Guy - Enough of your talk of such joyous things! Protestors attack!

The large group of protestors charge towards the hippie army.

Jo^2 - Here they come.

Sara is suddenly on horseback.

Sara - Okay! Attack when I give the word.

Hippie Man - Like, we don't "attack", man. We fight with the power of love, man.

Hippie Lady - Like, which isn't really fighting at all.

Sara - I don't care! Just do something when I give the word.

The protestor army draws closer.

Sara - Ready.

Closer 

Sara - Set

Closer

Sara - Go!!

With the protestor 5 feet away and ready to hit people with signs, the Hippies pull out their blankets and begin meditating.

Hippie Leader - Like, ohm.

Hippie group - Ohm.

Sara - What are you doing?! They're ready to bash your brains in and your meditating!

Axe - Wait, Sara! Look!

Sara turns to the protestor army and sees them all covering their ears in pain.

Sara - What the?

Protestor Guy - Aaah! My ears! Make it stop.

Sara - What the devils going on here?

Jo^2 - They're using the "Ohm" method.

Sara - The "ohm" method?

Jo^2 - Yep. Believe it or not, ohm actually stands for Other Hurting Methods. So, the Hippies are attacking, but not really.

Sara - Why? Why must you plague me with such confusion?

Axe - Take it this way. We're winning.

Sara - Well, just as long as that's true.

Jack - Well, we really don't have time for this. We need to save Halloween Town.

Sally - Jack, you're so smart. I love you.

Jack - I love you too.

Jack and Sally kiss.

Sara - Grumble

Hey! What did I say about the whole lovey dovey crap? Hugging, I can handle, but kissing, no way.

Sally - Fine!

Sara - (whispers to author) Thank you. Here's the 10 bucks.

World Destruction Ray, here I come.

Jo^2 - What?

Oh nothing! Do do do do do.

Axe - Let's go kick Oogie's ass.

Fink - Yeah. That seems like the thing to do.

Sally - Help!

Sally has been captured by the Hippies and they're braiding her hair.

Sara - Tee hee.

Axe - Can we have her back?

Hippie Person - Yes, sorry about that. Braiding's kind of our thing.

Jo^2 - That's ok.

Hippie Person - If you ever need us, just call.

Sara - Will do. 

Our heroes leave the Hippies to torture the Protestors and make their way to Oogie's lair.

Our Heroes - Bye Hippies!

Hippies - Bye!!!

Jo^2 - SIGH They're nice guys!

Axe - Yeah.

Suddenly, a grave stone gets up and starts walking towards Jo^2.

Jo^2 - What the?

It sprouts long arms and red hair and points at Jo^2.

Grave Stone - Ha ha ha ha ha!

Jo^2 - Oh no! It's the grave stone that's been giving me Yoda Syndrome!

Grave Stone - You can call me Katie.

Jo^2 - Oh no! It's Katie!

Katie - Mwa ha ha ha ha!

Katie begins to run after Jo^2. They start running in circles.

Axe - Round and round they go. Where they stop ..... well, either way Jo^2 going to wind up with Yoda Syndrome.

Sara - I think we've done a good amount of yapping for one episode. Author, fade out.

Wait! I wanted to try all the other exits.

Axe - Huh?

Yeah! Like Star sweep.

****************************************************** Star sweep

And erasing to the right 

Left 

Up

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

And everything else.

Everyone - Just fade out.

Oh! You're no fun!

FADE OUT!

Bye bye! See you whenever! Sorry about the longness. Watch out! Katie's right behind you! Run for your sanity. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Bye bye!

  



	10. Pep pills and Split Personalities

Hello, yet again.

Sara - I can't believe you people are still here!

Axe - Are you nuts?!

Jo^2 - No, they're just brainwashed.

Anyway, we must thank you for sticking with us for so very long. We have gotten so many good reviews! We thank you all!

Sara - Yeah! The reviews have made us so much money!

Axe - $31? That's not very much. I mean compared to Bill Gates, that's pittance.

Jo^2 - (menacingly) Pittance?

Axe - Whoops! I mean uh... uh ... chump change. That's it! Chump change! No smart words for me! Heh heh.

Jo^2 - Very good! Mr.W, put that in your chopamatic and chop it.

Mr.W - When did you get so mouthy?

Jo^2 - Ever since the author gave me this big old bottle of pep pills! WHOOSH!!!

Mr.W - Author, those are jelly beans.

Shhh. They don't know that. 

Jo^2 - Hey! I got one that taste like strawberry!

Axe - Let me try! (Takes a pill) Mmm Blueberry

Sara - Gimme one (takes one) Taste like red wine ~ hicup~

Oh my!

Mr.W - It seems that those "pep pills" are doing their job.

Oy vay. Let's just go to the story before this gets any worse.

Sara - Look! Deathsyne flavor!

Our heros are making their way towards the forest.

Axe - Sara, is Jo^2 cured yet?!

Sara - No!

Sara continues to bash Jo^2's head in with a rock.

BANG

Jo^2 - Ouch, I feel.

BANG

Jo^2 - Ouch, I feel.

BANG

Jo^2 - Ouch, I feel.

BANG 

Jo^2 - Stop, this must!

Sara - No, we need you cured. Anyway, this is kind of fun.

Jack - Why is Katie following us?

Fink - How should I know?! Stupid gravestone!

Suddenly Fink is hit in the back of the head ...... by Katie.

Fink - Ouch!

Sally - What did you do that for?

Katie - I have excellent hearing!

Jack - Why are you following us?

Katie gives Jack a look that says "Jack, you are so clueless. Hmm Did I pick up milk from the store yesterday? Oh crap! I forgot. Oh well. I'll just have to pick up some today."

Fink - Why would a gravestone need milk? 

Katie - Hey! Stop reading the explanation of my somewhat glaring look.

Axe - Whatever. How's it going, Sara?

Sara - Just peachy!

BANG

Jo^2 - I, ouch, feel!

BANG

Jo^2 - I, ouch, feel!

Sara - Half way there!

Jack - That's good. ....... Oh my.

Our heros have arrived at the path into the woods where Tuluse and the sleeping Argentinian are at.

Sally - Oh great!

Tuluse - Hewwo again. I say. Why arw you banging that child's head in wif a bwick?

Sara - Because BANG she BANG has BANG Yo BANG da BANG syn BANG drome BANG!

Tuluse - No she doesn't.

Sara - Guh?

Jo^2 - Hello, my name is Jo and I work in a button factory. I got a husband and a dog and a family.

Sara - Oh crap! She's singing the song.

Jo^2 - One day my boss came up to me. And he said hey Jo are you busy? I said no. Push this button with your right hand. Hello, my name is Jo.

Tulus -How iwonic.

Jack - What?

Tuluse - That's the answer to my widdle.

Everyone - What?

Tuluse - I wemember, now. The widdle was "what song is about buttons and is hardly known by anyone?" You are fwee to pass.

The Argentinian wakes up, yawns, and moves over. Then falls asleep again. The path is clear.

Everyone - Blank stare.

Jo^2 - ...... One day my boss came up to me and he said SMACK

Sara smacked Jo^2 in the back of the head.

Jo^2 - Sorry.

Jo^2 joins the blank stare.

Tuluse - I said you are fwee to pass.

Fink - We know. We're letting this all sink in and NOW!

Sara throws her brick at Tuluse and knocks him out. She grabs all his Deathsyne and runs down the path.

Sara - Run! Before he wakes up!

Our heros quickly runs down the path.

Jo^2 - Woo Hoo! We did it! Way to go, Sara! You knocked him out good!

Sara - Yeah and I got all his Deathsyne ~ hicup~

Katie - You didn't need to knock him out.

Sara - But I was doing something good. I got him out of the way.

Katie - But he was letting us pass and

Sara - (interrupting) I SAID I GOT HIM OUT OF THE WAY!

Katie - Fine

Sally - Isn't this exciting? We're finally making progress.

Jo^2 - Sure sure. (Pops a "pep pill" into her mouth)

Jack - Where did you get those?

Jo^2 - Found them. Mmm creme soda. Good pep pills.

Sally - But those are jelly beans.

Jo^2 - They are? (Looks at the label on the bottle to find the words "Jelly Belly")

Jo^2 - They ARE!

Sara - My life is a lie!! ...... Yet again.

Axe - Figures. She's been on sugar rush.

Fink - So, technically they've been doing their job.

Jo^2 - Yeah basically. (Takes a handful of pills and sticks it in her mouth)

Jack - Uh oh.

Sally - That's eerie.

Axe - Wait! Do you hear something?

Everything goes silent and a faint chanting can be heard.

High Pitched voices - Hiyo Miyay Cosa Brish We All Hail The Magic Fish.

Fink - Magic fish?

Axe - Let's check it out.

Suddenly Scooby Doo music comes on.

Sally - Where is that coming from?

Sara - I don't know, but just for heck of it ...... I'M DAPHNE!

Sally - I wanted to be Daphne!

Sara - Tough noogies. You'll have to settle for Scooby. That's who your best suited for. Tee hee.

Jo^2 - Rats reen raken.

Axe - Jinkies. Oh crap!

Fink - Like they never like said crap on Scooby Doo man.

Jack - I guess I'm Fred.

Sally - No fair. Who do I get to be?

Sara - You can be Scrappy.

Sally - Scrappy?

Jack - Yeah. He was Scooby's nephew. Now, who's clueless?

Sally - Hey! That had to do with current events.

Jo^2 - Reddy rersus Rason ris rurrent revents?

Sally - Yes. Stop talking in Scooby talk and speak normally for the audience.

Audience - Confused.

Jo^2 - (spits out Scooby voice box) Ok. Freddy versus Jason is current events?

Sally - Yes (sighs dreamily)

Axe - Jinkies.

Sally - Jason .... (dreamy look on face)

Jack - Sally!

Sally - Whoops! I'm back.

Fink - You better be, man. You two are like engaged.

Sara - Curse it!

Fink - I like don't want any cheating man.

Axe - We're wasting time. Let's go invetigate!

With the Scooby music playing, our heros make their way towards the chanting. They duck behind a bush as the chanting continues right on the other side of the bush.

Fink - Like whatever's going is happening right behind this bush.

Axe - Let's nip this mystery in the butt!

Sara - Ok.

Sara moves a section of the bush out of the way to reveal a very odd scene.

Axe - Jinkies.

Fink - Like, man!

Jack - Good grief.

Sally - That's Charlie Brown.

Jack - Well, excuuuuse me! Fred really doesn't say any catch phrase sort of thing.

Audience - What's going on?

Jo^2 - You weren't paying attention?

Audience - We had to get refills on popcorn and soda. We also had to go to the bathroom.

Sara - Hey! I want some popcorn!

Sara takes a bag of popcorn from the audience.

Audience Member - Hey I paid for that!

Sara - No you didn't. (Takes a big mouthful of popcorn)

Audience - Yeah. You're right. ..... So, what's with the scene?

Sara - Don't know because SOMEBODY hasn't explained what it is, yet!

Axe - Author!

Zzzzzzzzzzzz

Everybody - AUTHOR!!!!

MITTENS! Whoa! What? Oh man! I'm sorry. I was having a nightmare.

Jo^2 - About mittens?

No! Where did you get a thing like that?

Jo^2 - You'd be surprised.

Sara - So, how are you?

I'm good.

Sara - Well, that's great. Now, if it isn't too much trouble, could you please TELL US WHAT IS UP WITH ALL THE FRIGGIN CHANTING!!!

Alright alright! Sheesh! Ok. As our heros look on, they see a group of squirrels bowing towards a fish propped up on a golden throne.

Jack - Whoa.

Sally - Odd.

Fink - Like tripped out!

Axe - Jinkies.

Sara - Bwah?

Jo^2 - Old Beanie?!

Everyone turns to Jo^2.

Well folks, I will leave you now ..... ON ANOTHER CLIFFHANGER! Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Audience - Miss Mean!

Bwa ha ha ha ha! Your pain brings me such joy. Tee hee.

Axe - Author, why are you so cruel.

You're right. I need to be a little nicer. I baked cookies!

Jo^2 - Ok. Way too nice.

Sara - Let's tone down the niceness!

Fine. I'll be both. I hate everything.

Jo^2 - Why?

Wait, no! I love everything!

Axe - Grr. Make it stop.

Jo^2 - Well, the author's going nuts. So, we'll have to go out by ouselves.

Axe - This won't end well.

Sara - Ok. Let's do it.

Jo^2, Sara, and Axe - Here we go. One, Two Three.

SILENCE....

Jo^2 - ...............

Axe - ...........?

Sara - ................!!!!!!!!

Oh great! They put it on mute. ....... YAY!

All three - ................!!!!!!!!

Fine fine. I'll get you out of this mess............. Or maybe I don't want to.

All three - ............?

Author 1 - Are you sure you want to do that?

Author 2 - But they're our friends.

Author 1 - No, they're all against you.

Sara holds up a sign.

Sara's sign - Golem thingy from Lord of the Rings.

Jo^2 holds up a sign.

Jo^2's sign - Green Goblin thingy from Spiderman.

Axe holds up a sign.

Axe's sign - Stupid split personalities!

Author 2 - Are not!

Author 1 - Are so!

Author 2 - Are not!

Author 1 - Are so!

Author 2 - Are not!

Author 1 - Are so!

Jo^2, Axe, and Sara hold up a sign.

The sign - Goodbye!

Author 1 - See ya.

Author 2 - Cheerio!

  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	11. Squirrel Cults and Arch Nemesisisis I t...

Well Kiddies, here it is! Chapter 11!

Sara - Aaaah! This stupid story just keeps on going!

Axe - Yep! It's like the energizer bunny. It keeps on going and going and going and going and ...

Sara - Shut up!

Jo2 - Ooooooooooooooooooooooh!

Sara - Oh crap! She's gonna sing!

Jo2 - (to the theme of Lambchop "This Is The Song That Never Ends") This is the fic that never ends! Yes, it goes on and on my friend!

Creator, yes. Friend, no!

Jo2 - Fine! Be that way! I still have Sara and Axe!

Axe and Sara - Um ...

Jo2 - You mean? ...

Axe and Sara nod their heads.

Jo2 - Oh my.

What?! What is it?! TELL ME!

Jo2 - They say that your so moody is because of your split personality problem.

Oh yeah!

Axe- Anyway, we should continue the story.

Author 1 - Yeah. The audience is waiting. Ok! We last left our heroes behind a bush, spying on a bunch of squirrels.

Author 2 - No! They were on a boat and were being stalked by some nut in a speed boat.

Author 1 - Where'd you get that crazy idea?!

Author 2 - Crazy idea?! It's the truth!

Author 1 - No, it's not!

Author 2 - Yes, it is!

Author 1 - No, it's not!

Author 2 - Yes, it is!

Author 1 - No, it's not!

Author 2 - Yes, it is!

Sara - Both of you just SHUT UP!!!

Both Authors - Sorry.

Axe - I think it's time we solved this puzzle once and for all.

Temporary Stand in Narrator - Who is the real author? Is it Author 1,

Author 1 - Yes!

Temporary Stand in Narrator - Author 2,

Author 2 - YES!

Temporary Stand in Narrator - Jo2,

Jo2 - Huh?

Temporary Stand in Narrator - Or Mr. W?

Mr. W - No. It most certainly is not!!! How dare you even accuse me of such wrongdoing!

Everyone blankly stares at Mr. W and then turns back to the Authors.

Sara - Well, I know how we can solve this.

Sara pulls out a shot gun and starts aiming at the two authors.

Sara - So, who's it going to be?

Both authors pointing to each other - HER!

Axe - Wait! What if you shoot the real author?!

Sara - What about it?

Axe - Um ...

Jo2 - We'll do this the old fashioned way! Rock, paper, scissors!

Sara - Ok! Rock, Paper, Scissors, Shoot

Author 1 - Rock

Author 2 - Rock

Sara - Paper

Jo2 - Sara, why did you play?!

Sara - Who cares? I win! So, I get to shoot them both!

Sara aims and shoots both authors in the head. So, ... they're pretty much dead. I want a piece bread. Before I go to bed. My momma once said. My brain was made of lead! YO!

Jo2 - Ok ... Let's make sure to never let these people rap ever again.

Mr. W - Well, that was brilliant!

Sara - Yeah! I knew it would work.

Mr. W - You shot both of the authors!

Sara - yeah!

Mr. W - Now, we don't have an author.

Sara - What do you mean?

Mr. W - Both authors are dead!

Sara - Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! It's not true! Oh my ... um... meh!

Jo2 - How could you, Mr. W?! What did they ever do to you?!

Mr. W - They put me in this stupid story with you squirrels!

Jo2 - Besides that!

Mr. W - That's not the point! Sara's the one who shot them!

Sara - Oh yeah! I did, didn't I? Ha ha!

Mr. W - No "ha ha"!

Axe - Well, we can't tell the story without an author.

Hi guys!

Axe - Author?!

Jo2 - Is it really you?!

Yeah.

Sara - But I shot you! Your brains should be splattered over the pavement!

Well, they're not.

Axe - And that is how we got our beloved author back!

Mr. W - Wait a minute! I'm severely confused!!!

Hello Mr. W.

Mr. W - How are you still alive.

I was kid napped. Those two other authors were imposters and Sara shot them. So, I'm back.

Axe - Who kid napped you?

Some guy. Now, what was his name? Hmm ... I think it was ... Mr. F.

Axe - Mr. F!

Jo2 - Who's Mr. F?

Sara - Is he some other psycho teacher?

I've never seen him before.

Mr. W - He's my arch nemesis.

Guh?

Axe - You have an arch nemesis?

Sara - Cool!

Jo2 - Author, why don't I have an arch nemesis?

Oh Jo2. The world is your arch nemesis.

Mr. W - He's been trying to steal my job for years and it doesn't look like he's giving up.

Axe - Hmmm ... interesting.

Mr. W - I WILL ALWAYS BE THE ULTIMATE ENGLISH TEACHER!! MWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

Jo2 - Well, now that we have that out of the way, Author, could you please continue the story?

Hell, why not? Here we go! We last left our heroes behind a bush, spying on squirrels.

Sara - Wait a minute! You're ...

Everyone - SHUT UP!

Jo2 - Old Beanie?

Sara - We heard you the first time.

Jo2 - Oh.

Jack - Repetitive little thing, ain't she?

Axe - You have no idea.

Sara - Why would they have Old Beanie?

Jo2 - More importantly, why didn't he invite me to this worshiping party thingy?

Jack, Sally, Finkie, and Axe - Who is Old Beanie?

Sara - Read this.

Sara hands them a pamphlet that says "Jo2 and Her Capture of Old Beanie"

20 minutes later (25 for Sally cause she's a stupid person who needs Jack's help to read)

Sara! Quit messing with the author box.

Sara - Sorry sorry! Sheesh!

Sally - You should be! I can read just fine. I even bought this nice t-shirt that describes my reading ability.

Shirt says "Bestest Reder Dare Evah Was"

Axe - Wow.

Sara - Dude! It's made of cotton!

Jo2 - Uh ... guys.

Sara - Quiet, Jo2. I'm feeling the cottony goodness.

Jo2 - Guys.

Jack - Is there polyester in this?

Fink - No, Sally's allergic.

Sara - Idea!

Jo2 - GUYS!!

Axe - What is it, Jo2?!

They turn around to find themselves surrounded by squirrels. The squirrels are armed with machine guns.

Jo2 - I think the squirrels would like a word with us.

Axe - No kidding.

Sara - I swear! The world was a better place when people did NOT give weapons of destruction to cute little fuzzy animals.

Jo2 - Sara, we voted yes on that proclamation.

Sara - Oh yes! I remember now! We had so much cake.

Armed Squirrel - Silence, Fleshy Ones!

Jack - The squirrel can talk?

Fink - No, Jack. They can't talk! In fact, those aren't even squirrels with machine guns. (Sarcasm)

Sara - Quit making fun of Jack!

Sally - Yeah Dad, leave my fiancé alone!

Sara and Sally pounce on Fink and start beating him up.

Axe - Whoa!

Jo2 - Can you believe it?! Sally and Sara are working together.

Jack - This is scary.

Axe - Jack made them enemies and well, ... I guess he made them allies too.

Armed Squirrel - What part of silence don't you understand?! You two, SEPARATE! NOW!

Sally and Sara - Yes, Mr. Squirrel.

Fink - Ouch. I am in desperate need of first aid.

Armed Squirrel - Tie them up!

Our heroes are suddenly tied up and surrounded by squirrels. They are dragged to the center of the little squirrel village.

Armed Squirrel - Tie her up too!

Hey! You can't tie me up! I'm the author!

Unfortunately, the squirrels do not listen and tie me up as well.

Our heroes - Hi Author.

Hello.

Armed Squirrel - Oh Great Fish Lord! Tell us what we must do with these outsiders.

The squirrel is speaking to Old Beanie who is propped up on a golden throne.

Jo2 - Old Beanie! It's me! Jo2!!

Old Beanie seems to be deep in thought.

Armed Squirrel - Master?

Old Beanie - Blub.

Armed Squirrel - Thank you, Master.

Jack - What does that mean?

The squirrels begin to pile wood around our feet.

Armed Squirrel - The master wishes you to burn in Hades.

Sally - Oh crap!

Jo2 - old Beanie! You traitor! How could you do this to me?!

Old Beanie - Blub Blub De Blub De Blub Blub

Axe - What did he say?

Fink - He says that he's joined up with New Line Home Entertainment (movie studio) to make a movie and they demand blood.

Sally - You speak fish?

Fink - I have A LOT of free time.

Sara - So, ... we're in a movie right now.

Old Beanie - (Nods) Blub

Sara - Hi mom!

Axe - What's the movie called?

Director Person - Cut!

Axe - WHAT?!

Director Person - Axe, you can't just say that in the middle of the movie. MAKE UP!

A bunch of people come in and starts powdering our faces and stuff like that.

Director Person - Are we ready, people?!

Sara - You suck, Director Guy!

Director Person - Beautiful. Now, try to put that energy into your performance.

Some Other Film Guy - Burn for Fishy. Take 2 (snaps the black thingy in front of the camera)

Jack - We're going to die.

Sara - Yeah, pretty much.

Jo2 - Old Beanie! I'll never forgive you for this. After I'm dead, I'm gonna come back and haunt your fish bowl. I'll get inside your dreams and kill you there! I'll wear an oddly colored sweater and a cool lookin hat and I'll make my own weapon and people will try to kill me, but I'll keep coming back because true evil never dies!

Sally - And my father will make me indestructible and ...

Fink (interrupting) - No I won't!

Sally - Please, daddy. (Give the puppy dog look)

Sara - Someone gag me with a spoon.

Here you go.

A spoon is shoved into Sara's mouth.

Sara - Hanks a rot. (Spits out spoon)

Fink - Well, ok.

Sally - Yay! Anyway, I'll come back to life and kill you with a machete and nobody will be able to kill me! Eventually, I'll go on a mad rampage and kill anyone who gets in my way and I'll hang out at some summer camp and I'll meet up with Jo2 and we'll have a big battle and people will die horrible deaths and the whole incident will be made into a movie and Jo2 and I will be big stars and our faces will be put on posters and merchandise and we'll be the richest murderers in all the land. (Sally's out of breath)

Old Beanie - Blub.

Jack - What does that mean?

Fink - Oh well.

A squirrel comes at us with a blazing torch.

Well, I guess this is it. It was great ruining your lives.

Axe - It was nice living those ruined lives.

Sara - At least I'll die by my true love's side.

Jo2 - Sara, Jack is over there next to Fink. You're sitting next to Sally.

Sara - Oh. Well, ... at least I get to watch your synthetic ass burn.

Sally - I feel the same way!

Both start crying.

The squirrel is just about to drop the torch on the pieces of wood, when suddenly ...

Mr. W - Stop right there!

Hey! I was speaking! It's not polite to interrupt!

Mr. W - Sorry.

As I was saying. Suddenly, Mr. W burst out of the bushes and takes the torch from the squirrel.

Mr. W - Now?

Yes, now.

Mr. W - Stop right there!

Well my friends, this is where I must leave you now.

Audience - But what about the whole situation with the burning and you guys almost getting killed?

Sara - It's called a cliff hanger, you bozos!

Jo2 - Well, that was semi - fun.

Axe - I can't believe Mr. W actually tried to save us.

Jo2 - Yeah. That was nice of him. Let's send him a fruit basket.

Sara - Ok!

I'm not paying for it.

Axe - Oh crap! The money issue!

Jo2 - Reader, we need your help. We need reviews to pay for Mr. W's delicious fruit bascket! Please, help us!

Sara - Jo2, do you think people are really going to send in money to buy a fruit basket for and English teacher who just happens to be the enemy to end all enemies?

Jo2 - Maybe. Maybe not.

Well, I guess this is where I say goodbye. I'll see you people some other time! Woo hoo!

Sara - Hasta whenever

Axe - Bye y'all!

Jo2 - Y'all send in dem reviews, now! Ya hear!

Bye bye now!


	12. I'm the bloody author! I am! I am!

Hi!!! Long time, No . . . Um . . . never mind.

Axe - Well, it's about frickin time!!!

Jo2 - How long did it take you to write this stupid chapter?

Sara - A very long long time.

Axe - We should hand you over to Mr. W and let him teach you grammar!!

Well, that's too bad because it's summer and he has no control over me! Mwa ha ha ha ha

Mr. W - Oh really?

Jo2 - Hi Mr. W!

Sara - How's it hanging?

Mr. W - What?! Why aren't you screaming and running away?

Axe - Why should we?

Mr. W - You mean . . . you don't fear me anymore?

Sara - Nope.

Mr. W - Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!

Mr. W begins to fade.

What the?

Axe - Mr. W, where you going?

Mr. W stops fading.

Mr. W - Nowhere. I was just checking out the special effects.

Jo2 - Hmmmm

Ha!! I'm not in your class anymore! I'm not in you class anymore! Ha ha ha ha ha

Mr. W - That reminds me. You failed the exam.

I what?!

Mr. W - Yep. Now, you have to go through summer school!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Mr. W - Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!

Sara - Oh! I almost forgot. Mr. W, we have something to give you.

Mr. W - You do?

Jo2 - We do?

Axe - Yeah! Remember the fruit basket?

Jo2 - Oh yeah! We used the review money to buy you a fruit basket as a big thanks for saving our butts.

Mr. W - That's very kind of you.

Sara - Well, here you go.

Sara hands Mr. W an orange.

Axe - That's it?

Jo2 - I thought we had enough money for a whole basket.

Sara - Um . . . Yeah . . . About that

Jo2 and Axe - Sara?!

Sara - What?! I owed the audience some money.

Audience - We're happy.

Jo2 - You are so heartless.

Audience - Meh.

Well, let's get on with the story.

Our group of heroes and Fink - Mr. W!!!!

Squirrels - Oh crap!

Old Beanie - Blub?

Sally - What did he say?

Fink - He said "who's that?"

Sally - Oh.

Mr. W - How dare you squirrels betray your one true leader!!

Jo2 - Who's the one true leader? Tell me!!

Mr. W - I am, of course.

Jack - Creepy.

Sara – Hmmm . . . yes.

Old Beanie – (stands up from his throne in an angry manner) Blub diddy blub blub blub! Blubby!

Jo2 – What did he say? What did he say?

Fink – He's your catfish! You tell me!

Jo2 – Fine then! He says "I am the leader of these squirrels! How dare you claim to be me!"

Mr. W – I'm not claiming to be you. I'm complaining that you stole my position as their leader.

Axe – Why don't we let the squirrels decide?

Mr. W – No! This is not a democracy! It's a monarchy (a society ruled by one person . . . stupid smart words) Stick with the program!

Monarchy or not, Axe is right! The squirrels should get to decide who their ruler is!

Sally – Why do you care?

Hey! I'm tied to a stick too. I want them to solve this predicament and untie us. I left brownies in the oven!

Jack – Hey! Author's right. We're still tied up!

Jo2 – Mr. W, drag your butt over here and untie us!!!

Mr. W – Not until I get my legion of squirrels back from Blubbsy Mc Gee!

Old Beanie – They're MY legions and I will not and them over to you!

Everyone – You can speak English?!

Old Beanie – Of course, I thought it would be fun if I tried out my second language for a while.

Jo2 – I hate you.

Fink – Yeah! I almost had a seizure trying to translate all the crap coming out of your mouth!

Old Beanie – Oh boo hoo!

Sara – Why must you be so very selfish?

Old Beanie – I don't know. It seems like a good way to be.

Sara – No! Not you! Mr. W!

Mr. W – You know me.

No, actually we don't. You're just my teacher.

Mr. W – Ouch. That hurt in an emotional way.

Jo 2 – Oh suck it up, forget about the damn squirrels, and untie us!!!

Mr. W – Never!!!

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a crazed rat jumps at Mr. W and attaches itself to his face.

Mr. W – Aaaaaaaaaaaaaahh! Get it off me! Get it off me!!

Sally – We would be able to help you, if you had untied us!

Mr. W – Oh shut up!

Armed Squirrel – It's a rat!

Sara – So?

Armed Squirrel – They're our worst enemy. We've been fighting in the rodent wars for years.

Fink – I couldn't imagine why. You squirrels are such great company.

Armed Squirrel – They've been trying to cut down this forest and stick in a rat city.

Axe – Oh the evilness!

Jo2 – Old Beanie, help him!!!

Old Beanie stares at Jo2 in a questioning manner.

Jo2 – Please!

Old Beanie – Oh fine!

Old Beanie jumps into the air and throws himself at the rat on Mr. W's face. The rat falls to the ground and the squirrels quickly tie him up.

Axe – Yay! Go Old Beanie!

Jo2 – Thank you. You finally did something right.

Old Beanie – Yeah yeah. But the only reason I did it was because I still have that brain control chip you inserted into my brain.

Everyone stares at Jo2.

Jo2 – Hey! Do you really think he would've stayed around as long as he did if I didn't insert some form of brain control.

Old Brain – Hmph!

Jo2 – Hey! Just be glad I didn't use the hook!

Jack – The hook?

Jo2 – It's a hook I would stick in his lip that would make him do whatever I say.

Old Beanie – No, not the hook!

Ahem! If we could get back to the situation at hand!

Sally – Right right. The rat!

Sara – Could someone PLEASE untie us?

Mr. W – Fine. I get attacked by a rat and all you brats can think about is yourselves.

Axe – That's the way us brats are.

Jo2, Sara, Axe, Fink, Sally, Jack, and I are FINALLY untied.

Jack – Took you long enough.

Mr. W – Now, about the rat.

Armed Squirrel – Who sent you?!!

Rat – Go stuff an acorn up your . . .

Fink – (interrupting) Hey! Were you sent by Oogie?

Rat – How did you know?

Fink – There's a little tag attached to your tail that says "sent by Oogie".

The rat looks at tag attached to his tail.

Rat – Well, I'll be.

Fink – Ha! I'm so smart!

Sara – Sure sure. Why did Oogie send a rat?

Sally – How the Hell should we know?!

Sara – I wasn't asking you, Raggity Ass!

Jo2 – Rat, why did Oogie send you?

Rat – My name isn't Rat!!!

Mr. W – What is it then?

Rat – Mortimer and I expect the author to start calling me that as well.

I'll call you whatever the Hell I want to call you! I'm the bloody author!

Axe – How did you get so bloody?

I accidentally poked myself in the stomach with a broad sword.

Axe – You should see a doctor about that.

Yeah. (getting dizzy) I guess I should. (faints due to blood loss)

Axe – Um guys! I think Author needs help!

Sara – What?

I'm alright!

Jo2 – Whatever. Old Beanie, do you have any questions for Mortimer?

Old Beanie – I'm not speaking to any of you anymore.

Jo2 – Why not?

Old Beanie – Oh just stick me in the caddy!

Jo2 – Fine! Go to your caddy and think about what you've done.

Old Beanie walks over to the golf/fish caddy and begins to climb in.

Mr. W – Ha ha! I get my squirrels back! Ha ha ha ha ha!

Axe – Oh act your age!

Armed Squirrel – Anyway, why did Oogie send you, Mortimer?

Mortimer Rat – He wanted me to spy on you.

Sara – You're being unusually cooperative.

Mortimer Rat – Meh. Let's just say Oogie don't pay the right amount for wages.

Fink – What does he pay?

Mortimer Rat – A buck an hour.

Sally – That sucks!

Jack – We got a lot of money from Tim Burton (Hail Tim Burton!!!) for the documentary.

Fink – Yep. I bought a car.

Axe – But you don't know how to drive.

Fink – It still looks nice in my drive way.

Axe – A buck an hour is such a jip!

Jo2 – Yeah! Author pays us . . .

Sara – Wait a minute! Author, you don't pay us at all!!

Hey! You spent your money on that new house in Whatever World.

Jo2 – Whatever World. I love it there.

Sara – Yeah! Despite the fact that we spent almost everything we had there, it was worth it.

Axe – We'll have to go there again.

Fink, Jack, and Sally - ????

Axe – But that's beside the point.

Jo2 – She's right. We're wasting time. We have to go stop Oogie from destroying Halloween Town which is like the bestest place in the world.

Sara – Exactly! So, let's be on our way.

Our heroes begin traveling down the path towards Oogies place.

Mr. W – (to squirrels) Now, don't you go following any other people! You're my squirrels! MINE!!!

Armed Squirrel – Fine fine. Hey Mortimer, wanna play cards?

Mortimer Rat – Go fish!

Everyone does a cheesy laugh.

Mr. W – Why are you all laughing?!

Armed Squirrel – I don't know.

Mr. W – My grammar lessons can take care of that!

Armed Squirrel – No! Why?! WHY?!

Mr. W – I must punish you for betraying me!

Squirrels – NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Jo2 – Ha ha ha Those crazy kids.

So, our heroes continue there way towards Oogie's house where they will defeat Oogie and save Halloween Town!

Police man – Ok! That was a threat! You are under arrest! You have the right to remain silent . . . (states Miranda Rights)

Hey!!! You can't do this to me! I'm innocent! I am not a crook!!! NOOOOO!

The police dude takes me away and shoves me into the back seat of his police car.

Axe – That was odd.

Jack – Well, without the author, we can't continue the story.

Sally – She deserves to go to jail!!!

Jo2 – Why?

Sally – It took her way too damn long to write this chapter!!!!

Fink – Yeah! That's right!!

Sara – For once, I actually agree with Sally Stupid Headed Rag Doll!

Axe – Yeah!!!

Everyone – Woo hoo! No more author!! We can do anything we want!!

Replacement Author – And so, the heroes start having a really cool party and . . . Hey! Bean dip!

Jo2 – Hey Fink, wanna play karaoke?

Fink – You're on!

Jack – Oh crap!!

Sally – (all sexy like) Hey Jack, wanna play seven minutes in Heaven?

Sara – (drunk on Deathsyne) Hey! Jack is my honey poo! You can't do squat! Stupid Raggidy Ann dip stick!

Jack – Sara, why don't we play Monopoly?

Sara – (still drunk) You can't tell me what to do!!

Everyone – Bye bye everybody!! See you, whenever!!!

Sara – (Yes, . . . drunk) Send in those (hiccup) reviews! (faints)

Sara – (talking in her sleep) But I want the last donut!!

Everyone else – Bye bye!!


End file.
